I am Cleopatra, the beautiful queen of the Nile, with a slender, olive-toned, body, big, brown, almond shaped eyes, and long curly black hair. I carry the mystique of a hidden garden, the power of a gladiator, the praise of a goddess.
September 1993 - September 10th, 2001: California
A gold crown adorned with rubies and emeralds lay invisibly upon my head, ready to finally be shown to the rest of the world.
“I’m Egyptian,” I answered the age-old question smiling widely, knowing that in a room full of children of various European and Asian descents, my crown would finally shine in all its glory, with all my glory.
“Whoa, that’s so cool!! Do you live in the pyramids?” one kid asked with his brown and blue eyes bulging.
Are we in Egypt or does he think we just build them wherever we go? “No, I live in a normal house.”
“Is King Tut your great, great, great, great grandfather?!” another asked.
Yes, in fact as I trace my ancestry back a million years, his name shows up on my family tree. “Well, King Tut could be related to me… that would be awesome!”
“Do you ride a camel to school?”
Did you see a camel strolling up the driveway? “No, my mom drives a Volkswagen.”
My crown was growing with me, its beautiful exterior never cracking under the harsh conditions. But then one day, I took it off my head and stuck it in a box in the back of my mind, intent on never returning to that crevice again.
1961: Egypt
Traveling back home, to the land commonly known for the sphinx and the oldest pyramids in the world, a young man finishing his Master’s degree in Germany decided to tell his father he was emigrating to Canada.
Throughout the years, my Uncle Nabil had seen enough discrimination and harassment towards his fellow Copts (Egyptian Christians) and refused to raise his own family there. Little did he know that his father, Tawfik, had been discriminated against more outwardly than usual while Nabil was in Germany.
Tawfik Morcos, Nabil’s middle-aged father and my grandfather, had grown accustomed to the harsh treatment towards Christians by Muslims since his birth, a seemingly normal occurrence since the Arabs invaded Egypt in 639 AD. By the 1960’s, the hate was so common and one had to know the right people in the right places to do anything.
A few months prior to Nabil’s return home, Tawfik was offered a job to be the manager of all the supermarkets in Egypt, a position that had to be approved by the “communist president” of that time, Gamal Abdel-Nasser. Because Tawfik had friends in high places in the government, he was told after applying for the position that his name was circled on the document Nasser had reviewed, with a note saying, “why, you couldn’t find anyone else?”
“If you’re Christian, you can’t find a good job and even if you do, you’d get paid less than a Moslem person would in the same position,” Ashraf, Tawfik’s youngest son, and my father, says. “They wouldn’t help you in anything; they’d take you to court and make up things to say against you, all because you’re an infidel in their eyes.”
Tawfik got the job, but the initial salary offer was cut severely, and to a family of ten mouths to feed, this was a large neon sign reading LEAVE.
“We had to have a plan for the whole family; we are a big family. Because Nabil had been in Germany for over two years, he was able to emigrate from there to Canada in 1965. And the rest of us were close behind, but in stages.”
As Nabil traveled over the Atlantic Ocean, seeking religious freedom and peace, Maher, the next eldest of the eight, was applying for medical school at the University of Toronto. A few weeks after Maher opened his acceptance letter from University of Toronto, he and Violet, the oldest of the three sisters, left for Canada as well. Violet went to work as a computer operator at an insurance company to help support Maher while he studied medicine.
Meanwhile, Tawfik still had six family members, not including him, stuck in Egypt impatiently waiting to rejoin their blood.
“In Egypt, everything is done with baksheesh (tips or bribes),” my dad said. “That’s how people make money to survive, but this time it just wasn’t enough. Because we’re Christians, the immigration officer gave my father a hard time. Every few days my dad would take [a day] off from work to bring the next document they asked for. One day it was the birth certificate, then his degree, then passport, until he got fed up.”
Tawfik requested that the immigration officer give him a list of documents he needed so that the process would not continue this long.
“You’ll never see your children again if you don’t do things my way,” the immigration officer instigated.
“My father was so angry! He somehow got the strength to pick up this man, with his chair, and throw him out the window,” Ashraf says, laughing at the thought; “It was a first story window but, still, this was a criminal offense. Just saying something against a government official would land you in jail.”
Tawfik noticed right away that he would be carted off to jail if he did not do something quickly, so he asked to use the phone and called an old friend from High School and Lieutenant in the Army, Fahim Armaneous. Lieutenants were of high stature in Egypt and Fahim was known throughout Egypt as a very powerful man. When Tawfik asked for him, he did not use his title, signifying how close they were to anyone within earshot.
“Give me Fahim Armaneous.”
“No, don’t. We can take care of this,” the immigration officer’s boss panicked, hearing the Lieutenant’s name.
“Tawfik, what’s the matter?” Fahim was on the line.
“I need you to come down to the immigration office. This idiot officer just threatened that I’d never see my kids again.”
“I’m in a meeting…
“So?”
“So, it will be over an hour by the time I’m able to get out of this meeting with everyone saluting me.”
“Take the back door!!”
Ten minutes later, Fahim walked in just as a dull thud came from near Tawfik’s feet. The immigration officer fell at Tawfik’s feet, looking like he couldn’t breath, red blotches covering his face, and begged my grandfather to forgive him, stating that he too had kids and couldn’t lose his job.
Within minutes and without Fahim saying a word, the officer stamped Tawfik’s visa. Two weeks later all ten members of the family reunited in Toronto.
September 11, 2001: California
The innocence and naïveté of childhood had to end at some point, and the crude reality set in. Merely days after the attack on the United States by its own airplanes, the comments changed. No longer was it “so cool” to be Egyptian in their eyes, after family members and friends had died.
One day, a sign, as bright as the neon sign my grandfather had received to leave Egypt, told me to run. I had become so good at hiding my emotions from prying eyes and ears of insensitive boys and girls throughout elementary school, that by the time my last year of middle school had come, I was a pro.
But one sentence threw my whole world under a loaded truck to be run over.
“You’re Egyptian, right? So, are you going to hijack a plane and crash it into the school?” the boy with frazzled blonde hair said with such disdain in his voice.
I ran.
I ran until I couldn’t breathe and found myself in the middle of the football field, gasping and sweating, my mind racing with fear and frustration. How could someone say something that mean?
I went home early that day and cried myself to sleep, unable to speak even though my parents asked me what was wrong repeatedly. When I finally told them, they looked so calm, like they had expected it.
My father told me of Tawfik, my grandfather who passed away when I was just two years old, and the discrimination he got just for being Christian. Immediately I connected the dots.
“The Muslims are the ones doing these horrible things!! Not Copts…” I exclaimed with great fury.
“Yes, but no one understands that right now. We know that because of what we went through in Egypt. One day the people will understand that they are infidels in the eyes of the terrorists also, but until then, you have to carry your head up high. Your ancestors created one of the Seven Wonders of the World, in addition to geometry, bowling, make-up…basically anything you can think of.”
I returned to school the next day with glares flying at my face like darts, but I avoided them. Comments were whispered amongst friends behind my back with cackled laughter, Ursula and Cruela’s voices suddenly filled my mind.
The simple fact that I was Egyptian automatically associated my thirteen-year-old, never-even-been-to-the-motherland, self with terrorists. I countered as many comments as I could, trying to tell them that my family had felt their pain; maybe the incidents were not nearly as grand in scale, but the foundation was there. But no one listened. They were too young, too naïve, too unaware of the world that existed on the other side of the ocean, farther than most people had traveled in their lives.
Summer, 1970: Egypt
A woman of slender physique and pale beige skin walked along a sandy road by four story apartment buildings. Her short-sleeved red dress billowed out at the ends in the light breeze, a break from the warm stifling air that hung in her short and curly black hair. It seemed unusually quiet that day, but she ignored the nagging feeling that something was wrong.
My mother left New York during her twenties to make a visit back to the motherland. She wore her gold Jerusalem cross around her neck, the cross that she still wears daily.
From the 2nd story window of the sand-blown buildings, the forty-something year old Arab man spotted my mother’s cross and spit on her. When I asked her why she kept wearing the cross, especially in a place where it is obviously looked down upon, she stared at me with concern etched into her pupils, as if looking for the right words to say.
“My cousins told me not to wear it, they knew it was going to happen. I was shocked only because I had left Egypt at such a young age that I couldn’t remember what it was like, and obviously it got worse year after year.
“But I kept wearing it to show that I’m not afraid of them. Saints of our church went through torture and even death for Christ. The least I can do is be proud of my faith, be proud of the truth.”
2002 - 2009: California
It had been years since I had worn my gold crown. It lay in a box in my memories, the shine stifled by layers of dust and grime. After September 11th, it became harder to speak the truth to people who were inundated with lies, most of which were formed in their own minds. People would ask what my nationality was, and I’d mumble “Egyptian,” monotonously, already expecting a cynical response, the innate pride in my culture fading with the ancient hieroglyphics my ancestors wrote on walls.
As the pain of September 11th faded, only a minute given to remembering those who had passed away each year, the layers of dust began to fade away as well. The gold reflections and multi-faceted jewels lit up my face as I spoke of my past again; the courage of my grandfather, my mother, the saints of the church that risked their lives, shot through my blood.
I am Cleopatra, the beautiful queen of the Nile; as calm as a dove and as clever as a serpent; stronger than ever.
12.05.2009
12.03.2009
11.29.2009
We Love You Too, Abouna
Respect, humility, service, love
Kindness, gentleness, caring, love
Purity, passion, self-control, love
Meekness, joy, peace, love
From your first day as priest of our church
you inspired many of us, touched all of our hearts.
You walked into the room so happy to see your new children,
the same sparkle in your eyes as a father when he carries his newborn
Within seconds of meeting us and hearing our names for the first time
you said, "I love you."
At first it was hard to believe,
the initial thought being, 'he doesn't even know me.'
But after a short time we could see it, feel it
You did love us from the beginning
before we even loved ourselves or each other.
You taught us what love is.
Love encompasses so much but seems so simple to you
Your life, your actions, even the joy in your step
expresses the overflowing love you have for us,
the same love that inspires us to love no matter what.
You taught us humility,
you taught us prayer,
you taught us service...
You taught us how our love for God and His church
should glorify Him in all that we do;
To understand that everything is for the Master of the house
rather than the house itself or our own egos.
"When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child. But when I became a man, I put away childish things." (1 Cor. 13:11)
In the last 5 years, we have learned so much from you
grown in ways that can only be attributed to your love for us
to your never-faltering compassion and understanding
your gentle guidance towards our Lord, showing us His love.
Our individual families became one
as a man and woman become one in Christ
one spirit, one body, working together
with love between us, protecting us.
You celebrated every occasion with us,
baptisms, birthdays, graduations, PCAL games
You're an integral part of our families
a seamless addition, the missing piece of a puzzle.
You are close to our hearts in many ways
a candle in a world of darkness
an inspiration to a lost generation
more than just a priest, our father.
"And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love." (1 Cor. 13:13)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ix5vTrecep4&feature=channel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WsW9pkAKHrc&feature=related
Kindness, gentleness, caring, love
Purity, passion, self-control, love
Meekness, joy, peace, love
From your first day as priest of our church
you inspired many of us, touched all of our hearts.
You walked into the room so happy to see your new children,
the same sparkle in your eyes as a father when he carries his newborn
Within seconds of meeting us and hearing our names for the first time
you said, "I love you."
At first it was hard to believe,
the initial thought being, 'he doesn't even know me.'
But after a short time we could see it, feel it
You did love us from the beginning
before we even loved ourselves or each other.
You taught us what love is.
Love encompasses so much but seems so simple to you
Your life, your actions, even the joy in your step
expresses the overflowing love you have for us,
the same love that inspires us to love no matter what.
You taught us humility,
you taught us prayer,
you taught us service...
You taught us how our love for God and His church
should glorify Him in all that we do;
To understand that everything is for the Master of the house
rather than the house itself or our own egos.
"When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child. But when I became a man, I put away childish things." (1 Cor. 13:11)
In the last 5 years, we have learned so much from you
grown in ways that can only be attributed to your love for us
to your never-faltering compassion and understanding
your gentle guidance towards our Lord, showing us His love.
Our individual families became one
as a man and woman become one in Christ
one spirit, one body, working together
with love between us, protecting us.
You celebrated every occasion with us,
baptisms, birthdays, graduations, PCAL games
You're an integral part of our families
a seamless addition, the missing piece of a puzzle.
You are close to our hearts in many ways
a candle in a world of darkness
an inspiration to a lost generation
more than just a priest, our father.
"And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love." (1 Cor. 13:13)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ix5vTrecep4&feature=channel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WsW9pkAKHrc&feature=related
11.10.2009
Students Share Superstitions
With Halloween just around the corner, people who believe black cats are bad luck may be having a hard time adjusting to the sudden appearance of decorations around town and at Halloween stores.
Many may think that superstitions are silly games people play or think about out of boredom. Yet some UC Davis students have their own superstitions through their own cultures, or even common Davis-specific superstitions.
"Knock on wood"
Once upon a time, gods were thought to have dwelled in the trees. If one needed any help, they'd knock once on a tree to say "help," and the second time to say "thank you." Now, if one says for example, "Oh, I've never failed a test, knock on wood," (while knocking the table), the knocking is to prevent that statement from jinxing all future exams.
"Even after I knock on wood, I knock on my head," said Jacqueline Hodaly, a senior community and regional development major. "Like, if I said 'I've never gotten into a car accident' and I say 'knock on wood,' I knock on wood and then I knock on my head. It's like double caution."
Flowers
If one decides to present their significant other with flowers, be wary of the color. Don't give someone yellow roses unless you're cheating on them. In the French culture, giving a woman a yellow rose symbolizes infidelity in the relationship. Just stick to red; it looks and smells just as nice.
In French and Egyptian cultures, giving anyone a chrysanthemum, or any purple flower for that matter, is considered even more inappropriate than a yellow rose.
"It might have a factor of etiquette and superstition, but purple flowers are for dead people," said Marlene Rizkallah, senior international relations major.
Davis superstitions
It is a common rumor that touching the egghead with its head in a book outside of the Peter J. Shields Library during finals week will bring you good luck during exams.
Perhaps started by Chris Perry or Scott Judson, former Aggie Pack MC's, wearing an Aggie Pack t-shirt on exam day is said to help you do well on tests.
ASUCD President Joe Chatham suggests swimming in the Arboretum to get dates.
"Apparently, if you swim in the Arboretum after the first rain of the school year you will have excellent luck getting dates for the rests of the quarter," Chatham said in an e-mail interview. "I haven't tried because the Arboretum seems kind of unclean, but my friend Daniel tried after the giant storm last week and he got asked out two days later."
Students' superstitious habits
Some students have superstitious habits related to the outcome of sports teams' competitions, like senior English major Caitlin Dextraze.
"When I used to do cheerleading, we all got underwear and had everyone on the team sign them. Then we wore them for every competition," she said.
Others have adapted superstitious habits passed down from generations.
"My mother always told me that I should never put my purse on the ground because it's bad luck and I will lose all my money," said Elly Condos, a senior Spanish major.
"When I was younger, I never thought much of it, but after her persistent pleading to keep my purse off the ground, I now can't bring myself to set it on the floor," said Condos. "Sometimes I even tell other people who have placed their bags on the floor about the bad luck that can come from doing this."
DINA MORCOS can be reached at features@theaggie.org.
Many may think that superstitions are silly games people play or think about out of boredom. Yet some UC Davis students have their own superstitions through their own cultures, or even common Davis-specific superstitions.
"Knock on wood"
Once upon a time, gods were thought to have dwelled in the trees. If one needed any help, they'd knock once on a tree to say "help," and the second time to say "thank you." Now, if one says for example, "Oh, I've never failed a test, knock on wood," (while knocking the table), the knocking is to prevent that statement from jinxing all future exams.
"Even after I knock on wood, I knock on my head," said Jacqueline Hodaly, a senior community and regional development major. "Like, if I said 'I've never gotten into a car accident' and I say 'knock on wood,' I knock on wood and then I knock on my head. It's like double caution."
Flowers
If one decides to present their significant other with flowers, be wary of the color. Don't give someone yellow roses unless you're cheating on them. In the French culture, giving a woman a yellow rose symbolizes infidelity in the relationship. Just stick to red; it looks and smells just as nice.
In French and Egyptian cultures, giving anyone a chrysanthemum, or any purple flower for that matter, is considered even more inappropriate than a yellow rose.
"It might have a factor of etiquette and superstition, but purple flowers are for dead people," said Marlene Rizkallah, senior international relations major.
Davis superstitions
It is a common rumor that touching the egghead with its head in a book outside of the Peter J. Shields Library during finals week will bring you good luck during exams.
Perhaps started by Chris Perry or Scott Judson, former Aggie Pack MC's, wearing an Aggie Pack t-shirt on exam day is said to help you do well on tests.
ASUCD President Joe Chatham suggests swimming in the Arboretum to get dates.
"Apparently, if you swim in the Arboretum after the first rain of the school year you will have excellent luck getting dates for the rests of the quarter," Chatham said in an e-mail interview. "I haven't tried because the Arboretum seems kind of unclean, but my friend Daniel tried after the giant storm last week and he got asked out two days later."
Students' superstitious habits
Some students have superstitious habits related to the outcome of sports teams' competitions, like senior English major Caitlin Dextraze.
"When I used to do cheerleading, we all got underwear and had everyone on the team sign them. Then we wore them for every competition," she said.
Others have adapted superstitious habits passed down from generations.
"My mother always told me that I should never put my purse on the ground because it's bad luck and I will lose all my money," said Elly Condos, a senior Spanish major.
"When I was younger, I never thought much of it, but after her persistent pleading to keep my purse off the ground, I now can't bring myself to set it on the floor," said Condos. "Sometimes I even tell other people who have placed their bags on the floor about the bad luck that can come from doing this."
DINA MORCOS can be reached at features@theaggie.org.
10.23.2009
Unhinged
The cries of infants, jolting us from slumber
sleeping servants, unaware of their duties
a dog barks, sensing danger
acts in accordance and then falls
a lost soul wandering the forests
puppets along route, easy to manipulate
songs of love and affection wring its ears
the sound, unbearable
steadily walking, forcefully controlling
words of innocent venting turn to shame
as a household is slowly tearing apart
the fur on his back stands earnestly
chaos abounds as war ensues
the dog is put down, sent away
secrets fly about why the loving creature disappeared
truth and lies, no divide
and when the lost soul returned
the family's upheaval, warranted, was despised
shoved into the ground, like the love it once had
the walls are falling, foundation cracked beyond repair
only one truth resides among it all
beneath the dust that settles now
sleeping servants, unaware of their duties
a dog barks, sensing danger
acts in accordance and then falls
a lost soul wandering the forests
puppets along route, easy to manipulate
songs of love and affection wring its ears
the sound, unbearable
steadily walking, forcefully controlling
words of innocent venting turn to shame
as a household is slowly tearing apart
the fur on his back stands earnestly
chaos abounds as war ensues
the dog is put down, sent away
secrets fly about why the loving creature disappeared
truth and lies, no divide
and when the lost soul returned
the family's upheaval, warranted, was despised
shoved into the ground, like the love it once had
the walls are falling, foundation cracked beyond repair
only one truth resides among it all
beneath the dust that settles now
10.02.2009
Shopaholics unite at MU today
Shopaholics unite at MU today
Fashion Palooza funds go to charity
Written by DINA MORCOS
Published October 2, 2009
Although the economy has taken a downturn, clubs at UC Davis are still donating money through charity events.
The Student Fashion Association, led by president and senior textiles and clothing major Ashley Carros, is putting on a "Fashion Palooza" today at the Memorial Union Garrison Room from 3:30 to 5:30 p.m.
Clothing, accessories and even shoes will be available for the taking. The five-dollar pre-sale ticket allows you to choose up to three items and receive free food.
SFA is a club centralized around people who are interested in fashion and design and is in conjunction with the textiles and clothing department, but is open to all majors, Carros said.
Junior Rachel Aquino, treasurer of SFA, recollects her first year in the club.
"I actually started as a political science major and participated my freshman year in the annual Trashion Show that SFA has. "The Trashion Show is an event that includes a contest where the outfits must be sustainable, whether it's trash or re-used items, " she said in an e-mail interview. "SFA is all about being sustainable and creative while having fun with fashion."
Every year, one lucky charity organization receives all the money from the events SFA plans; last year it was Nourish International, an organization comprised of students dedicated to eliminating global poverty.
"SFA usually has an event every month but our biggest event is the Annual Fashion Show. A lot of money goes to the charity and last year we had close to 800 people," Carros said.
However, SFA also helps out locally. Last March, the club sold ribbons for a dollar a piece to support the Yolo Crisis Nursery.
Aquino does most of the major event planning for the SFA.
"The profits [from the Palooza] will be going to a scholarship fund for textiles students who need some help with financial aid for a trip to New York," Aquino said.
In addition to the charity outreach, SFA has bi-monthly meetings to discuss upcoming events and plans. They also have smaller activities such as movie nights, when they watch fashion-centered movies like The Devil Wears Prada or Confessions of a Shopaholic.
For more information about the Palooza or SFA, contact Ashley Carros at acarros@ucdavis.edu or join the Facebook group, "Student Fashion Association."
DINA MORCOS can be reached at features@theaggie.org.
Fashion Palooza funds go to charity
Written by DINA MORCOS
Published October 2, 2009
Although the economy has taken a downturn, clubs at UC Davis are still donating money through charity events.
The Student Fashion Association, led by president and senior textiles and clothing major Ashley Carros, is putting on a "Fashion Palooza" today at the Memorial Union Garrison Room from 3:30 to 5:30 p.m.
Clothing, accessories and even shoes will be available for the taking. The five-dollar pre-sale ticket allows you to choose up to three items and receive free food.
SFA is a club centralized around people who are interested in fashion and design and is in conjunction with the textiles and clothing department, but is open to all majors, Carros said.
Junior Rachel Aquino, treasurer of SFA, recollects her first year in the club.
"I actually started as a political science major and participated my freshman year in the annual Trashion Show that SFA has. "The Trashion Show is an event that includes a contest where the outfits must be sustainable, whether it's trash or re-used items, " she said in an e-mail interview. "SFA is all about being sustainable and creative while having fun with fashion."
Every year, one lucky charity organization receives all the money from the events SFA plans; last year it was Nourish International, an organization comprised of students dedicated to eliminating global poverty.
"SFA usually has an event every month but our biggest event is the Annual Fashion Show. A lot of money goes to the charity and last year we had close to 800 people," Carros said.
However, SFA also helps out locally. Last March, the club sold ribbons for a dollar a piece to support the Yolo Crisis Nursery.
Aquino does most of the major event planning for the SFA.
"The profits [from the Palooza] will be going to a scholarship fund for textiles students who need some help with financial aid for a trip to New York," Aquino said.
In addition to the charity outreach, SFA has bi-monthly meetings to discuss upcoming events and plans. They also have smaller activities such as movie nights, when they watch fashion-centered movies like The Devil Wears Prada or Confessions of a Shopaholic.
For more information about the Palooza or SFA, contact Ashley Carros at acarros@ucdavis.edu or join the Facebook group, "Student Fashion Association."
DINA MORCOS can be reached at features@theaggie.org.
9.30.2009
Painting with Maggots
Painting with maggots
Art that crawls into your heart
Written by DINA MORCOS
Published September 30, 2009
When one thinks of maggots - the word "art" does not typically come to mind. But for Rebeccah O'Flaherty, a UC Davis Ph.D. candidate, maggots and art go hand in hand.
Started in the University of Hawaii in 2001 by O'Flaherty, maggot art has been exhibited three times since its conception, including at UC Davis' very own Picnic Day 2009.
Because maggots feed on decaying corpses, they are usually used in crime scenes. Forensic entomology is the study which, in part, uses insects to find out how long the person has been dead.
O'Flaherty, however, decided to use them in artwork.
Working with maggots throughout her masters program in Hawaii, she decided to combine her love for her work with the different children's outreach programs she was involved in at the time.
"I think people are often turned off by maggots, but if you take out the disgusting factor, it's interesting and goes a long way in educating [the children]," O' Flaherty said.
O'Flaherty travels to different schools throughout Northern California to teach preschool and elementary age children about maggots and use their love for art to overcome any negative misconceptions about maggots that they may have.
But children aren't the only ones learning about maggots.
O'Flaherty also teaches a homicide investigation class at a police academy where she shows officers how to use maggots in their work. She also goes to kids' and adults' birthday parties in order to better educate the public.
She said that the artwork produced by the creatures is generally kept for fun or decoration, although she has showcased her work in various art shows in the recent years.
"I had one at Mishka's [Café] in Davis and then one at the Capital Athletic Club where we actually sold some pieces," O'Flaherty said. "And the funds go right back to the maggots."
Before last year, O'Flaherty didn't charge any fees for attending birthday parties or school visits. She now charges a materials fee for events with her maggots because she could not afford to keep things free.
Charlotte Wacker, director of the UC Davis Body Donation Program, took a class at UCD and was introduced to O'Flaherty in 2003. Wacker volunteered for her at this year's Picnic Day and other teaching events.
"I thought the program was great; not only fun but engaging for the participants who would usually shy away from these things that are dirty and disgusting and feed on dead things," Wacker said. "I think the experience is much more fun than dumpster diving."
Currently, Wacker still actively sells artwork to fund the project and donates a painting or two to UCD that are then auctioned off every January. The proceeds help fund the nine medical clinics run by medical students, such as the Willow Project, and the Imani Clinic.
Forensic Anthropologist Turhon Murad from Chico State University said that he truly admires O'Flaherty's work as a researcher. He bought a piece of maggot art called "Sorority Rush" over two years ago at a show in Sacramento.
"My wife and I bought a piece, in support of Rebeccah [O'Flaherty], and these little drawings done appealed to us," Murad said. "'Sorority Rush' reminded us of college and what Rush was actually like; the maggots converged on one point, but in fact they're actually moving away. You just have to know how they move."
For more information on maggot art, visit maggotart.com.
DINA MORCOS can be reached at features@theaggie.org.
http://theaggie.org/article/4385 :D
Art that crawls into your heart
Written by DINA MORCOS
Published September 30, 2009
When one thinks of maggots - the word "art" does not typically come to mind. But for Rebeccah O'Flaherty, a UC Davis Ph.D. candidate, maggots and art go hand in hand.
Started in the University of Hawaii in 2001 by O'Flaherty, maggot art has been exhibited three times since its conception, including at UC Davis' very own Picnic Day 2009.
Because maggots feed on decaying corpses, they are usually used in crime scenes. Forensic entomology is the study which, in part, uses insects to find out how long the person has been dead.
O'Flaherty, however, decided to use them in artwork.
Working with maggots throughout her masters program in Hawaii, she decided to combine her love for her work with the different children's outreach programs she was involved in at the time.
"I think people are often turned off by maggots, but if you take out the disgusting factor, it's interesting and goes a long way in educating [the children]," O' Flaherty said.
O'Flaherty travels to different schools throughout Northern California to teach preschool and elementary age children about maggots and use their love for art to overcome any negative misconceptions about maggots that they may have.
But children aren't the only ones learning about maggots.
O'Flaherty also teaches a homicide investigation class at a police academy where she shows officers how to use maggots in their work. She also goes to kids' and adults' birthday parties in order to better educate the public.
She said that the artwork produced by the creatures is generally kept for fun or decoration, although she has showcased her work in various art shows in the recent years.
"I had one at Mishka's [Café] in Davis and then one at the Capital Athletic Club where we actually sold some pieces," O'Flaherty said. "And the funds go right back to the maggots."
Before last year, O'Flaherty didn't charge any fees for attending birthday parties or school visits. She now charges a materials fee for events with her maggots because she could not afford to keep things free.
Charlotte Wacker, director of the UC Davis Body Donation Program, took a class at UCD and was introduced to O'Flaherty in 2003. Wacker volunteered for her at this year's Picnic Day and other teaching events.
"I thought the program was great; not only fun but engaging for the participants who would usually shy away from these things that are dirty and disgusting and feed on dead things," Wacker said. "I think the experience is much more fun than dumpster diving."
Currently, Wacker still actively sells artwork to fund the project and donates a painting or two to UCD that are then auctioned off every January. The proceeds help fund the nine medical clinics run by medical students, such as the Willow Project, and the Imani Clinic.
Forensic Anthropologist Turhon Murad from Chico State University said that he truly admires O'Flaherty's work as a researcher. He bought a piece of maggot art called "Sorority Rush" over two years ago at a show in Sacramento.
"My wife and I bought a piece, in support of Rebeccah [O'Flaherty], and these little drawings done appealed to us," Murad said. "'Sorority Rush' reminded us of college and what Rush was actually like; the maggots converged on one point, but in fact they're actually moving away. You just have to know how they move."
For more information on maggot art, visit maggotart.com.
DINA MORCOS can be reached at features@theaggie.org.
http://theaggie.org/article/4385 :D
9.27.2009
Bronze Serpent
I'm speeding into oncoming traffic
the headlights ablaze, blinding me
I'm swimming upstream
the other fish in the sea snapping at me
I stand on the edge of the world
sand beneath my toes, water slowly fading in and out
And then the waves crash towards me
I duck, bowing down, and see the bronze serpent
A sense of warmth rushes over me
I'm home again, still out out of breath
winded from the constant influx of emotion
but the greatest emotion
the greatest virtue
Surrounds me
Takes care of me
Holds me
the headlights ablaze, blinding me
I'm swimming upstream
the other fish in the sea snapping at me
I stand on the edge of the world
sand beneath my toes, water slowly fading in and out
And then the waves crash towards me
I duck, bowing down, and see the bronze serpent
A sense of warmth rushes over me
I'm home again, still out out of breath
winded from the constant influx of emotion
but the greatest emotion
the greatest virtue
Surrounds me
Takes care of me
Holds me
9.25.2009
Cordless Radio
Stop the radio in my head
broken record repeating words
lines of love and loss and pain
echo throughout
Pause the sound for just a moment
I need to catch my breath
memories of the good and the bad invade
pulling me back into the cave
Shut it out, strike a match
the streetlights are dimming
watch the windy road become smaller
the candle is the only way out
And when one foot hits the ground
the other will follow
perfect symmetry, endless circles
lead me to colorful places
Hourglass shifts
the tune changes
don't stop the radio in my head
it's playing the right song.
broken record repeating words
lines of love and loss and pain
echo throughout
Pause the sound for just a moment
I need to catch my breath
memories of the good and the bad invade
pulling me back into the cave
Shut it out, strike a match
the streetlights are dimming
watch the windy road become smaller
the candle is the only way out
And when one foot hits the ground
the other will follow
perfect symmetry, endless circles
lead me to colorful places
Hourglass shifts
the tune changes
don't stop the radio in my head
it's playing the right song.
9.14.2009
Angels
For those of you that don't know, I've been asking a lot of questions about angels lately (don't ask me why) and so I decided to take those questions to H.G. Bishop Youssef (that guy is awesome!)
Q(s): Were there 8 archangels and one fell leaving 7, or did God replace Lucifer? Did angels and archangels have free will? Did they decide to follow Lucifer when he wanted to be like God? If they didn't have free will, then how is it that they could sin and fall?
If yes to the above questions, then can angels today continue to fall as they have a choice of following God versus not?
A: There are seven names of archangels of the highest ranks of the Cherubim that have been revealed to us: Michael, Gabriel, Raphael, Soriel, Sarathiel, Sedakiel, Ananiel. Satan was known as Sataniel, and was a Cherubim and an Archangel. The Holy Scriptures mentions that thousands of angels minister before God. However, these are the only names known to us. The angels were created as ministers of fire, full of knowledge, and a free will. The ranks of the Cherubim, Seraphim, and the Thrones are distinguished as ministers of God, directly before His Throne. Once some angels fell away from the graces of God, they could not return nor repent, nor was there any plan of salvation prepared for them because God foreknows that Satan and his angels will NEVER repent. The angels of wickedness fell with Satan, while the righteous angels remained with God. There were and still are no in-betweens. Those who remained were inherently good. His Grace, the Late Bishop Youannis, states that the angels are not with absolute knowledge but far exceed human knowledge and understanding. "As for the angels, knowing God Himself and the Holy Trinity, as well as His divine mysteries, is surely knowledge that surpasses human knowledge - due to their being so close to God and due to their spiritual nature." Man learned the ways of good and evil after he was deceived, whereas, Satan and his army, as well as the righteous angels, were created with the knowledge of good and evil, and were free to make a choice.
As we will not sin in eternity although we will have freewill, so the angles who did not follow Lucifer will not sin again.
For more in depth information about this and other related topics, read:
"Heaven" by His Grace Bishop Youannis, the Late Bishop of Gharbia
God bless you
Bishop Youssef
Q(s): Were there 8 archangels and one fell leaving 7, or did God replace Lucifer? Did angels and archangels have free will? Did they decide to follow Lucifer when he wanted to be like God? If they didn't have free will, then how is it that they could sin and fall?
If yes to the above questions, then can angels today continue to fall as they have a choice of following God versus not?
A: There are seven names of archangels of the highest ranks of the Cherubim that have been revealed to us: Michael, Gabriel, Raphael, Soriel, Sarathiel, Sedakiel, Ananiel. Satan was known as Sataniel, and was a Cherubim and an Archangel. The Holy Scriptures mentions that thousands of angels minister before God. However, these are the only names known to us. The angels were created as ministers of fire, full of knowledge, and a free will. The ranks of the Cherubim, Seraphim, and the Thrones are distinguished as ministers of God, directly before His Throne. Once some angels fell away from the graces of God, they could not return nor repent, nor was there any plan of salvation prepared for them because God foreknows that Satan and his angels will NEVER repent. The angels of wickedness fell with Satan, while the righteous angels remained with God. There were and still are no in-betweens. Those who remained were inherently good. His Grace, the Late Bishop Youannis, states that the angels are not with absolute knowledge but far exceed human knowledge and understanding. "As for the angels, knowing God Himself and the Holy Trinity, as well as His divine mysteries, is surely knowledge that surpasses human knowledge - due to their being so close to God and due to their spiritual nature." Man learned the ways of good and evil after he was deceived, whereas, Satan and his army, as well as the righteous angels, were created with the knowledge of good and evil, and were free to make a choice.
As we will not sin in eternity although we will have freewill, so the angles who did not follow Lucifer will not sin again.
For more in depth information about this and other related topics, read:
"Heaven" by His Grace Bishop Youannis, the Late Bishop of Gharbia
God bless you
Bishop Youssef
9.12.2009
Stream of Unconsciousness
I've realized, after much time in my own head- a scary place to be most of the time- that we as humans think way too much. Every little thing is a distraction; the thought one moment transcends into something completely different the next moment. Stream of consciousness.
My English teachers used to have us do this all of the time. Just write whatever pops into your head and see what happens - you find out a lot of interesting things.
Here it goes. It's midnight, I'm tired but can't sleep. There's too much food in my stomach and God knows if the soccer ball is going to make me throw up tomorrow afternoon. Oh but just don't eat tomorrow and you'll be fine. Ew. Anorexia... those girls think being THAT skinny is pretty? Haha... silly people. Well, silly people have their moments...
Okay, so I can go on forever, but this is probably boring you to tears right now. The point is that focusing on something, whether it be a thought or person or action is so important in the real world: we can leave the streams to paper.
Be present. If I am talking to you, I don't want to see your phone come out unless your mom is calling to find out where you are before she calls the fuzz to come find you. If I am in school working or studying, I should be completely focused on that subject, not letting my mind wander to other trivial things like that green banana the kid next to me is eating in weird ways.
One of my Sunday school kids asked if the devil can come into church, saying that we get distracted in church and that must come from the devil. But does it really? Does the devil make us turn on the radio or think about something less meaningful in the morning on the way to church? Or is it just human nature to have too many things going on at the same time?
We don't know how to focus, and it's usually unconsciously, but affects our conscious day-to-day actions and behavior.
So my challenge for you this week is to find one thing (just one!) to focus on and not be distracted from - whether it be school or spiritual upheaval, work or family - let that one thing or person encompass your mind and heart when it should, without being distracted from it. And then switch it up.
This is my stream... what's yours?
My English teachers used to have us do this all of the time. Just write whatever pops into your head and see what happens - you find out a lot of interesting things.
Here it goes. It's midnight, I'm tired but can't sleep. There's too much food in my stomach and God knows if the soccer ball is going to make me throw up tomorrow afternoon. Oh but just don't eat tomorrow and you'll be fine. Ew. Anorexia... those girls think being THAT skinny is pretty? Haha... silly people. Well, silly people have their moments...
Okay, so I can go on forever, but this is probably boring you to tears right now. The point is that focusing on something, whether it be a thought or person or action is so important in the real world: we can leave the streams to paper.
Be present. If I am talking to you, I don't want to see your phone come out unless your mom is calling to find out where you are before she calls the fuzz to come find you. If I am in school working or studying, I should be completely focused on that subject, not letting my mind wander to other trivial things like that green banana the kid next to me is eating in weird ways.
One of my Sunday school kids asked if the devil can come into church, saying that we get distracted in church and that must come from the devil. But does it really? Does the devil make us turn on the radio or think about something less meaningful in the morning on the way to church? Or is it just human nature to have too many things going on at the same time?
We don't know how to focus, and it's usually unconsciously, but affects our conscious day-to-day actions and behavior.
So my challenge for you this week is to find one thing (just one!) to focus on and not be distracted from - whether it be school or spiritual upheaval, work or family - let that one thing or person encompass your mind and heart when it should, without being distracted from it. And then switch it up.
This is my stream... what's yours?
9.08.2009
As Printed in State Net Capitol Journal - Spotlight
Despite economy, states gear up greenhouse gas reduction efforts
It has been three years since CALIFORNIA Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger (R) signed AB 32, the Global Warming Solutions Act. A host of other states and Congress have since followed suit with measures of their own. But now, with the economy in the most turmoil since the Great Depression, supporters and opponents alike are struggling to come to grips with how much these measures will cost.
On the surface, AB 32's directive is fairly straightforward: reduce greenhouse gas emissions to 1995 levels by 2020 — about a 25 percent decrease. What it will take to achieve that, however, is much more complicated and, to many critics, far too expensive.
But to staunch supporters like CALIFORNIA Air Resources Board (CARB) Chairman Mary Nichols, the person tasked with ensuring AB 32's implementation, the issue of greenhouse gas reduction is about much more than just dollars and cents.
"Our coastline will be under water in 100 years; this is fact, not theory," Nichols said at a July Sacramento Press Club luncheon, adding that the changes currently going on in the atmosphere are "subtle, slow and complicated." Moving forward with AB 32 implementation, she contends, is a preemptive measure against disaster.
That implementation process involves a variety of methods, including direct regulations on many industries, monetary and non-monetary incentives for reducing greenhouse gas emissions, and a controversial "cap-and-trade" mechanism. CARB has also developed a Low Carbon Fuel Standard — issued in January of 2007 — which requires a 10 percent reduction in the carbon intensity of the Golden State's transportation fuels by 2020.
Other states have also developed their own plans to reduce greenhouse gas emissions, several of which mimic CALIFORNIA's efforts to decrease its carbon footprint.
According to the Center for Climate Strategies, a non-profit, non-partisan organization in Washington D.C. that helps governments develop comprehensive plans for dealing with climate change, at least 30 states have completed greenhouse gas reduction plans since 2006. Many others, including COLORADO, GEORGIA, and ILLINOIS, have plans under construction. More are likely to come on board, as State Net reports that lawmakers considered over 200 similar bills this year alone.
The whole process, however, is not without skeptics, particularly where it concerns the fiscal impact of putting such measures into action. With state budgets bleeding red ink everywhere, many observers contend these measures are simply too expensive.
The most controversial issue revolves around the proposed cap-and-trade programs, which limit the emissions a company may release while also permitting the most efficient companies or governments to sell their pollution "allowances" to others for a profit. Trying to meet those standards is expected to require many industries to make significant changes, including expensive equipment upgrades. Business groups say this could have a devastating impact on already-reeling state economies, particularly by driving much-needed jobs to cheaper and much less regulated labor markets overseas.
According to one recent study from the CALIFORNIA Chamber of Commerce, "The average annual loss in gross state output from small businesses alone would be $182.6 billion, approximately a 10 percent loss in total gross state output. This will translate into nearly 1.1 million lost jobs in CALIFORNIA." The report's authors say individuals will also feel the financial pinch, noting that "CALIFORNIA families will be facing increased annual costs of $3,857 and consumers will be forced to cut discretionary spending by 26.2 percent in order to cope with the increased costs generated" by AB 32 implementation.
But Glen Anderson, an alternative energy and fuel specialist with the National Conference of State Legislatures, disagrees, contending that many of the negative projections surrounding measures like AB 32 are based on bad information.
"There are huge assumptions being made about where energy comes from," Anderson says. "Obviously, burning coal is very cheap, but there are other efficient energy sources; they may be more expensive in the short term, but one would use less of it, decreasing the net amount spent."
Center for Climate Strategies President and CEO Tom Peterson also believes that the recession should not greatly affect the movement toward reducing greenhouse gas emissions. "I don't think we should say, 'Gosh, we've got a recession, let's think of this differently.' The stakeholders are very focused on low-cost, high-benefit plans and have seen the rollercoaster of economic times and changes among federal administrations."
While state governments are moving forward, Congress is attempting to implement its own clean energy measure, complete with a cap-and-trade component, authored by Reps. Henry Waxman (D-CALIFORNIA) and Edward Markey (D-MASSACHUSETTS). The measure — HR 2454, dubbed the American Clean Energy and Security Act of 2009, or "ACES" — enlists a variety of clean energy mandates designed to reduce nationwide greenhouse gases 17 percent by 2020, 42 percent by 2030 and 83 percent by 2050. It cleared the House in June but is so far languishing in the Senate.
Although the bill's fate is unclear, Peterson believes "it is only matter of time before congressional action takes place and the role of the states is to gear up." The success or demise of the bill may depend on resolving or reforming President Obama's health care proposal, which Peterson notes has occupied the bulk of lawmakers' time and energy in recent weeks, and will likely continue to do so. But even with the health care bill dominating the scene at the moment, Peterson notes that Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NEVADA) has indicated he is ready to make sure the cap-and-trade proposal is resolved by October.
Although most state leaders are loathe to see federal laws pre-empt what are usually much stronger state standards, CARB's Nichols says she is not overly concerned about the possibility of the Waxman-Markey bill taking precedence over AB 32. Nichols notes that while she does have "concerns about whether it's the most efficient, most cost effective way to do what they're trying to accomplish," the federal statute will simply push the states toward their initial goal.
"If the Senate includes the same provisions on cap-and-trade as contained in the Waxman-Markey House version, it's likely that there would be a moratorium on states enforcing their own programs for five years. States that already had a program would be able to turn in their allowances for federal allowances, so we would basically become part of the federal system," Nichols says.
States, however, are not waiting around for that to happen. Most are gearing up on their own, albeit with less money than usual, and supporters still think this is the best time to do it.
"State budgets are challenging," Peterson says. "However, building the capacity [for a greener environment] is important and essential."
— By Dina Morcos
It has been three years since CALIFORNIA Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger (R) signed AB 32, the Global Warming Solutions Act. A host of other states and Congress have since followed suit with measures of their own. But now, with the economy in the most turmoil since the Great Depression, supporters and opponents alike are struggling to come to grips with how much these measures will cost.
On the surface, AB 32's directive is fairly straightforward: reduce greenhouse gas emissions to 1995 levels by 2020 — about a 25 percent decrease. What it will take to achieve that, however, is much more complicated and, to many critics, far too expensive.
But to staunch supporters like CALIFORNIA Air Resources Board (CARB) Chairman Mary Nichols, the person tasked with ensuring AB 32's implementation, the issue of greenhouse gas reduction is about much more than just dollars and cents.
"Our coastline will be under water in 100 years; this is fact, not theory," Nichols said at a July Sacramento Press Club luncheon, adding that the changes currently going on in the atmosphere are "subtle, slow and complicated." Moving forward with AB 32 implementation, she contends, is a preemptive measure against disaster.
That implementation process involves a variety of methods, including direct regulations on many industries, monetary and non-monetary incentives for reducing greenhouse gas emissions, and a controversial "cap-and-trade" mechanism. CARB has also developed a Low Carbon Fuel Standard — issued in January of 2007 — which requires a 10 percent reduction in the carbon intensity of the Golden State's transportation fuels by 2020.
Other states have also developed their own plans to reduce greenhouse gas emissions, several of which mimic CALIFORNIA's efforts to decrease its carbon footprint.
According to the Center for Climate Strategies, a non-profit, non-partisan organization in Washington D.C. that helps governments develop comprehensive plans for dealing with climate change, at least 30 states have completed greenhouse gas reduction plans since 2006. Many others, including COLORADO, GEORGIA, and ILLINOIS, have plans under construction. More are likely to come on board, as State Net reports that lawmakers considered over 200 similar bills this year alone.
The whole process, however, is not without skeptics, particularly where it concerns the fiscal impact of putting such measures into action. With state budgets bleeding red ink everywhere, many observers contend these measures are simply too expensive.
The most controversial issue revolves around the proposed cap-and-trade programs, which limit the emissions a company may release while also permitting the most efficient companies or governments to sell their pollution "allowances" to others for a profit. Trying to meet those standards is expected to require many industries to make significant changes, including expensive equipment upgrades. Business groups say this could have a devastating impact on already-reeling state economies, particularly by driving much-needed jobs to cheaper and much less regulated labor markets overseas.
According to one recent study from the CALIFORNIA Chamber of Commerce, "The average annual loss in gross state output from small businesses alone would be $182.6 billion, approximately a 10 percent loss in total gross state output. This will translate into nearly 1.1 million lost jobs in CALIFORNIA." The report's authors say individuals will also feel the financial pinch, noting that "CALIFORNIA families will be facing increased annual costs of $3,857 and consumers will be forced to cut discretionary spending by 26.2 percent in order to cope with the increased costs generated" by AB 32 implementation.
But Glen Anderson, an alternative energy and fuel specialist with the National Conference of State Legislatures, disagrees, contending that many of the negative projections surrounding measures like AB 32 are based on bad information.
"There are huge assumptions being made about where energy comes from," Anderson says. "Obviously, burning coal is very cheap, but there are other efficient energy sources; they may be more expensive in the short term, but one would use less of it, decreasing the net amount spent."
Center for Climate Strategies President and CEO Tom Peterson also believes that the recession should not greatly affect the movement toward reducing greenhouse gas emissions. "I don't think we should say, 'Gosh, we've got a recession, let's think of this differently.' The stakeholders are very focused on low-cost, high-benefit plans and have seen the rollercoaster of economic times and changes among federal administrations."
While state governments are moving forward, Congress is attempting to implement its own clean energy measure, complete with a cap-and-trade component, authored by Reps. Henry Waxman (D-CALIFORNIA) and Edward Markey (D-MASSACHUSETTS). The measure — HR 2454, dubbed the American Clean Energy and Security Act of 2009, or "ACES" — enlists a variety of clean energy mandates designed to reduce nationwide greenhouse gases 17 percent by 2020, 42 percent by 2030 and 83 percent by 2050. It cleared the House in June but is so far languishing in the Senate.
Although the bill's fate is unclear, Peterson believes "it is only matter of time before congressional action takes place and the role of the states is to gear up." The success or demise of the bill may depend on resolving or reforming President Obama's health care proposal, which Peterson notes has occupied the bulk of lawmakers' time and energy in recent weeks, and will likely continue to do so. But even with the health care bill dominating the scene at the moment, Peterson notes that Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NEVADA) has indicated he is ready to make sure the cap-and-trade proposal is resolved by October.
Although most state leaders are loathe to see federal laws pre-empt what are usually much stronger state standards, CARB's Nichols says she is not overly concerned about the possibility of the Waxman-Markey bill taking precedence over AB 32. Nichols notes that while she does have "concerns about whether it's the most efficient, most cost effective way to do what they're trying to accomplish," the federal statute will simply push the states toward their initial goal.
"If the Senate includes the same provisions on cap-and-trade as contained in the Waxman-Markey House version, it's likely that there would be a moratorium on states enforcing their own programs for five years. States that already had a program would be able to turn in their allowances for federal allowances, so we would basically become part of the federal system," Nichols says.
States, however, are not waiting around for that to happen. Most are gearing up on their own, albeit with less money than usual, and supporters still think this is the best time to do it.
"State budgets are challenging," Peterson says. "However, building the capacity [for a greener environment] is important and essential."
— By Dina Morcos
9.01.2009
Escaping the Darkness
Lying down, the ears are intentionally behind the eyes
My tears make me deaf and blind
And the world falls back, into my mind
I loved dreaming until I couldn't escape daybreak
Now I wish for a dreamless night
No thrashing and turning from the internal fight
And when I wake I stare ahead in sadness
There is no way to escape the madness
just a way to stand up to it and fight it
I started at the top of a mountain
curious, tempted, wandering
Ended up in a dreary valley
wounded, bruised and broken
And when the epic battle slows enough to breathe
My dreams will reflect the skirmish won
Beneath the stars and within the Son
I started at the top of a mountain
curious, tempted, wandering
Ended up in a dreary valley
wounded, bruised and broken
I'm climbing back up the steep side, step by step
holding Your hand, smiling, for dear life
The fog clears, the deafening sounds subside
and I wait, for his weapons will be stronger next time
My tears make me deaf and blind
And the world falls back, into my mind
I loved dreaming until I couldn't escape daybreak
Now I wish for a dreamless night
No thrashing and turning from the internal fight
And when I wake I stare ahead in sadness
There is no way to escape the madness
just a way to stand up to it and fight it
I started at the top of a mountain
curious, tempted, wandering
Ended up in a dreary valley
wounded, bruised and broken
And when the epic battle slows enough to breathe
My dreams will reflect the skirmish won
Beneath the stars and within the Son
I started at the top of a mountain
curious, tempted, wandering
Ended up in a dreary valley
wounded, bruised and broken
I'm climbing back up the steep side, step by step
holding Your hand, smiling, for dear life
The fog clears, the deafening sounds subside
and I wait, for his weapons will be stronger next time
8.25.2009
Sirach Chapter 2
My son, if you draw near to serve the Lord,
Prepare your soul for temptation.
Set your heart right and be steadfast,
And do not strive anxiously in distress.
Cleave to Him and do not fall away,
That you may be honored at the end of your life.
Accept whatever is brought upon you,
And in exchange for your humiliation, be patient;
Because gold is tested in fire
And acceptable men in the furnace of abasement.
Believe in Him, and He will help you;
Make your ways straight and hope in Him.
You who fear the Lord, wait for His mercy,
And do not turn aside, lest you fall.
You who fear the Lord, believe in Him,
And your reward will not fail.
You who fear the Lord, hope for good things
And for everlasting gladness and mercy.
Consider the ancient generations and see:
Who believed in the Lord and was forsaken?
Or who called upon Him and was overlooked?
Because the Lord is compassionate and merciful,
He forgives sins and saves in time of affliction.
Woe to cowardly hearts and weakened hands,
And to a sinner who walks on two paths!
Woe to a fainting heart, because it does not believe!
Therefore it will not be sheltered.
Woe to you who have lost your patient endurance!
What will you do wen the Lord visits you?
Those who fear the Lord will not disobey His words,
And those who love Him will keep His ways.
Those who fear the Lord will seek His approval,
And those who love Him will be filled with the law.
Those who fear the Lord will prepare their hearts
And will humble their souls before Him.
We will fall into the hands of the Lord
And not into the hands o men;
For as His majesty is, so is His mercy.
<3
Prepare your soul for temptation.
Set your heart right and be steadfast,
And do not strive anxiously in distress.
Cleave to Him and do not fall away,
That you may be honored at the end of your life.
Accept whatever is brought upon you,
And in exchange for your humiliation, be patient;
Because gold is tested in fire
And acceptable men in the furnace of abasement.
Believe in Him, and He will help you;
Make your ways straight and hope in Him.
You who fear the Lord, wait for His mercy,
And do not turn aside, lest you fall.
You who fear the Lord, believe in Him,
And your reward will not fail.
You who fear the Lord, hope for good things
And for everlasting gladness and mercy.
Consider the ancient generations and see:
Who believed in the Lord and was forsaken?
Or who called upon Him and was overlooked?
Because the Lord is compassionate and merciful,
He forgives sins and saves in time of affliction.
Woe to cowardly hearts and weakened hands,
And to a sinner who walks on two paths!
Woe to a fainting heart, because it does not believe!
Therefore it will not be sheltered.
Woe to you who have lost your patient endurance!
What will you do wen the Lord visits you?
Those who fear the Lord will not disobey His words,
And those who love Him will keep His ways.
Those who fear the Lord will seek His approval,
And those who love Him will be filled with the law.
Those who fear the Lord will prepare their hearts
And will humble their souls before Him.
We will fall into the hands of the Lord
And not into the hands o men;
For as His majesty is, so is His mercy.
<3
8.10.2009
Re-do
he attacked from every angle
leaving us all disillusioned and confused
he dressed in a colorful robe and lured us in
to his lair of distress, anger, pride
he told us lies and riled us up
just to see us tear each other apart
we thought we could withstand it
our fortress so strong
but humanity is no threat to satan
without God between us and throughout us
a test we are failing, day to day
a trustworthy smile fading away
a kind hand offering help, gone
a quiet mouth and uplifted heart, fallen
and now i sit, reminiscing over a fallen home
asking the Teacher, if we can retake it
hold our hands so we can go through it together
give us the courage to jump over the quicksand,
knowing you'll be there to catch us on the other side
leaving us all disillusioned and confused
he dressed in a colorful robe and lured us in
to his lair of distress, anger, pride
he told us lies and riled us up
just to see us tear each other apart
we thought we could withstand it
our fortress so strong
but humanity is no threat to satan
without God between us and throughout us
a test we are failing, day to day
a trustworthy smile fading away
a kind hand offering help, gone
a quiet mouth and uplifted heart, fallen
and now i sit, reminiscing over a fallen home
asking the Teacher, if we can retake it
hold our hands so we can go through it together
give us the courage to jump over the quicksand,
knowing you'll be there to catch us on the other side
8.01.2009
Byline :)
http://www.statenet.com/capitol_journal/current#sncj_spotlight
Bird's Eye View = States shoot down guns on campus
Politics & Leadership = CT dems win health care fight (my name at bottom!! :D)
Bird's Eye View = States shoot down guns on campus
Politics & Leadership = CT dems win health care fight (my name at bottom!! :D)
7.30.2009
The Last Tear
A lost soul, treading shallow waters
in search for his past life
It's missing
A renewed sense of reality
floating on oceans calming waves
she's searching for the memories
They don't exist
Cowardly stepping over the line
back to the darkness where only God can save him
letting hypocrisy run through his veins
and into his life
She won't stay to watch
Her heart's wish for him dies
as anger and hatred whisk through his eyes
a fleeting moment but long enough
a lost cause
There's no hope
They watch each other's actions
sensing the change, the immeasurable pain
to see darkness when all candles are lit
It's over
The bond between the two, shattered
the laughs and cries shared, blend into the static
a smile, a wave
vapor over an open casket
A fork in the road.
The last teardrop.
in search for his past life
It's missing
A renewed sense of reality
floating on oceans calming waves
she's searching for the memories
They don't exist
Cowardly stepping over the line
back to the darkness where only God can save him
letting hypocrisy run through his veins
and into his life
She won't stay to watch
Her heart's wish for him dies
as anger and hatred whisk through his eyes
a fleeting moment but long enough
a lost cause
There's no hope
They watch each other's actions
sensing the change, the immeasurable pain
to see darkness when all candles are lit
It's over
The bond between the two, shattered
the laughs and cries shared, blend into the static
a smile, a wave
vapor over an open casket
A fork in the road.
The last teardrop.
7.28.2009
Resurfaced
Couple poems I wrote years ago and somehow apply today...
BLINDED
Boiling, grinding, shaking beneath the surface
Shrieks and cries pierce the night’s silent façade
A clear veil of a spider web’s thread shields the house
Locked inside with no way out…
Except the mask of bright colors that lives on each day
Forcing the light to shine on other’s faces
But the colors are fading and becoming hard to see
Fingers clawing against glass becomes the face
True features of a hidden episode begin to confirm
The insanity that roams those hearts and minds
Blinding the clarity once seen through perfect eyes
Happiness becomes blurred and distorted
Isolated within the confines of a broken home
Locked inside with no way out…
MY REFUSAL
It only takes one second to light a match and another to throw it into a field
Watch the flames grow and spread as though all the water in the world has disappeared
They consume everything in their paths, spawning new tragedies as they devour what good is left
It’s a circle of anger and frustration, tempers flaring, insults flying through the air
Hearts scorched and scarred for life plague the house thought to be His
A simple idea of love and care transformed into hate, evil
And Satan sits near by, cleansing his hands with our blood smiling maliciously to himself
“I have succeeded”
We allow this wickedness to win, belittling ourselves to mere mortals who have no knowledge of God
Rather than the temples we are, holding the Holy Spirit in our hearts and souls
How can I say, and be honest with myself first and foremost, that I am His child?
How can I view my home as a dwelling fit for Him to stay?
When in reality, the flames of hell are burning it down, melting the walls into puddles of ash and soot
When do the lies end? When does the hypocrisy cease to exist?
Only this I know, if it takes forever to break the cycle, then so be it
Because I can’t stand another day intently searching past fire only to find a smoky sky.
BLINDED
Boiling, grinding, shaking beneath the surface
Shrieks and cries pierce the night’s silent façade
A clear veil of a spider web’s thread shields the house
Locked inside with no way out…
Except the mask of bright colors that lives on each day
Forcing the light to shine on other’s faces
But the colors are fading and becoming hard to see
Fingers clawing against glass becomes the face
True features of a hidden episode begin to confirm
The insanity that roams those hearts and minds
Blinding the clarity once seen through perfect eyes
Happiness becomes blurred and distorted
Isolated within the confines of a broken home
Locked inside with no way out…
MY REFUSAL
It only takes one second to light a match and another to throw it into a field
Watch the flames grow and spread as though all the water in the world has disappeared
They consume everything in their paths, spawning new tragedies as they devour what good is left
It’s a circle of anger and frustration, tempers flaring, insults flying through the air
Hearts scorched and scarred for life plague the house thought to be His
A simple idea of love and care transformed into hate, evil
And Satan sits near by, cleansing his hands with our blood smiling maliciously to himself
“I have succeeded”
We allow this wickedness to win, belittling ourselves to mere mortals who have no knowledge of God
Rather than the temples we are, holding the Holy Spirit in our hearts and souls
How can I say, and be honest with myself first and foremost, that I am His child?
How can I view my home as a dwelling fit for Him to stay?
When in reality, the flames of hell are burning it down, melting the walls into puddles of ash and soot
When do the lies end? When does the hypocrisy cease to exist?
Only this I know, if it takes forever to break the cycle, then so be it
Because I can’t stand another day intently searching past fire only to find a smoky sky.
7.27.2009
No Expectations
It's one hell of an emotion, anger. Blood vessels become much more defined, eyes pop, the whole body trembles from the intensity, fingers curl into a fist... and then all of a sudden you're doing things you never intended to do. You hurt people's feelings, say things that you wouldn't generally say, and in the end, your heart's warm and soft sides become a little harder, a little colder.
So, out of respect for my darling friends and readers and others who just piss me off, this post is simply to vent without pointedly calling people up and tearing them apart.
The issue: people who seem reliable/dependable, and turn out to be a bunch of run-amok chickens/cowards.
Either stand up for what's right or back off, because in the end, you're simply hurting yourself and everyone around you, and it's not fair to those who thankfully do not live in your shoes.
And if you make a promise or commitment to something, follow through! This is the real world, people (I know, I'm starting to sound like my mom here) and if you continue down the path of stupidity, you will surely miss out on all of the good, smart things life has to offer...In addition to the fact that backing off tends to lead others into situations that are ten times more difficult than they had to be.
I know I bring this up a lot, but love is not a word just composed of letters that seem to make this nice short sound. It's a word that carries a heavy load -action, caring, sacrifice, commitment.
If you love your job, you put your all into that job, into all of the details that make up the final project. If you love your friend or spouse, you do all that you can to continue in your friendship or marriage, to make it fruitful and make the other one happy. If you love your church, you do all that you can to help others, serving the Master.
None of this is easy. You will feel as though you are being spread too thin. You will feel as though the world is falling on your shoulders and your neck and back are too weak to handle the weight. You will feel like everything possible that could be set against you, is right there, blocking the light.
But in the end, the reward, the light, overcomes the frustration and the ill-minded thoughts or obstacles. In the end, it all matters and comes together like a puzzle with intricate pieces because of your love and dedication and God's help.
This isn't a joke. This isn't something to merely push to one side as though others will simply take care of things you have, so kindly, left behind.
No expectations. Expect everything of yourself with God's help, and nothing of others, and in the end, it WILL all be good.
So, out of respect for my darling friends and readers and others who just piss me off, this post is simply to vent without pointedly calling people up and tearing them apart.
The issue: people who seem reliable/dependable, and turn out to be a bunch of run-amok chickens/cowards.
Either stand up for what's right or back off, because in the end, you're simply hurting yourself and everyone around you, and it's not fair to those who thankfully do not live in your shoes.
And if you make a promise or commitment to something, follow through! This is the real world, people (I know, I'm starting to sound like my mom here) and if you continue down the path of stupidity, you will surely miss out on all of the good, smart things life has to offer...In addition to the fact that backing off tends to lead others into situations that are ten times more difficult than they had to be.
I know I bring this up a lot, but love is not a word just composed of letters that seem to make this nice short sound. It's a word that carries a heavy load -action, caring, sacrifice, commitment.
If you love your job, you put your all into that job, into all of the details that make up the final project. If you love your friend or spouse, you do all that you can to continue in your friendship or marriage, to make it fruitful and make the other one happy. If you love your church, you do all that you can to help others, serving the Master.
None of this is easy. You will feel as though you are being spread too thin. You will feel as though the world is falling on your shoulders and your neck and back are too weak to handle the weight. You will feel like everything possible that could be set against you, is right there, blocking the light.
But in the end, the reward, the light, overcomes the frustration and the ill-minded thoughts or obstacles. In the end, it all matters and comes together like a puzzle with intricate pieces because of your love and dedication and God's help.
This isn't a joke. This isn't something to merely push to one side as though others will simply take care of things you have, so kindly, left behind.
No expectations. Expect everything of yourself with God's help, and nothing of others, and in the end, it WILL all be good.
7.20.2009
Me Published...
Not exactly byline but I wrote it! :)
http://www.statenet.com/capitol_journal/07-20-2009/html#birds_eye_view
http://www.statenet.com/capitol_journal/07-20-2009/html#birds_eye_view
7.05.2009
Echoes of Silence
I sit in the silence of days passed
Memories haunting my dreams
And then coming to life
I watched in sorrow as you walked away
Tears flowing down my cheeks
I knew what was happening
The anger and frustration and stress
Built up, into a mountain with a steep side
I could’ve stopped it, I could’ve helped
I said things to you, did things to you
Things I will forever remember,
Forever regret
I pushed you away
Forcibly and without reproach
Caught up in my own mind, my own ways
And when it came down to seeing the darkness
I denied it was black, defended the wrong
And lost myself in the process
Consequences are endless in the face of the world
But in the face of a loved one
Could be detrimental or forgivable
I wait in the silence of days passed
Anxiously and patiently, for your return
Just to reaffirm the latter
So I can stop running, and breathe.
Memories haunting my dreams
And then coming to life
I watched in sorrow as you walked away
Tears flowing down my cheeks
I knew what was happening
The anger and frustration and stress
Built up, into a mountain with a steep side
I could’ve stopped it, I could’ve helped
I said things to you, did things to you
Things I will forever remember,
Forever regret
I pushed you away
Forcibly and without reproach
Caught up in my own mind, my own ways
And when it came down to seeing the darkness
I denied it was black, defended the wrong
And lost myself in the process
Consequences are endless in the face of the world
But in the face of a loved one
Could be detrimental or forgivable
I wait in the silence of days passed
Anxiously and patiently, for your return
Just to reaffirm the latter
So I can stop running, and breathe.
7.03.2009
Infinitely Minute
Years and years of steady growth
Singled - out moments that speak the world
Shorter space and decreasing time
Look forward, look back
The weeks have flown by in earnest exploration
Answers and truths, mysteries unraveled, secret codes revealed
Crystalized foundations, ready to break
and flexible sheets, unreasonably strong
The days have slowed down to show
the words and minutes disguised
Approached and reproached for reasons unclear
the risks of loss so prevalent in fear
The minutes zoom away with eternity at hand
A short pathway forward, a quick side-glance back
And a wall falls in front and behind with no space in between
climb or drop to find the crystal of life clearly obscene
Singled - out moments that speak the world
Shorter space and decreasing time
Look forward, look back
The weeks have flown by in earnest exploration
Answers and truths, mysteries unraveled, secret codes revealed
Crystalized foundations, ready to break
and flexible sheets, unreasonably strong
The days have slowed down to show
the words and minutes disguised
Approached and reproached for reasons unclear
the risks of loss so prevalent in fear
The minutes zoom away with eternity at hand
A short pathway forward, a quick side-glance back
And a wall falls in front and behind with no space in between
climb or drop to find the crystal of life clearly obscene
6.29.2009
Glass Ceiling
A couple months ago, a couple friends of mine were talking about glass ceilings. I'm not quite sure why or what they were referring to, as the sounds of silent sleep invaded my mind at that time of night, but the phrase itself caught my attention.
It's an interesting feeling, thinking you can reach any height and yet when you try, the tips of your nails break, the joints in your fingers are no longer functioning from the pressure, and all of a sudden, your nose is splattered against a surface you didn't know was there.
It's like those window cleaning commercials; someone or something has to crash into the newly cleaned glass window. And then we all laugh at their stupidity.
Is it stupid to see the future in a positive light though? To know that what others see as unattainable, is, in fact, absolutely attainable?
Do we see the world as a box, or flat surface, as they did back in the day? The light at the end of the tunnel can only be seen through the transparent object in our way, or can we break through?
At that point, key factors in life kick in. Communication, perseverance, discernment... the list could go on and on.
Utilize those skills you have acquired throughout your life to shatter the glass ceiling and spread your wings. Because in the end, the glass ceiling is you. Your insecurities, your fears, your choices.
What's your next step?
It's an interesting feeling, thinking you can reach any height and yet when you try, the tips of your nails break, the joints in your fingers are no longer functioning from the pressure, and all of a sudden, your nose is splattered against a surface you didn't know was there.
It's like those window cleaning commercials; someone or something has to crash into the newly cleaned glass window. And then we all laugh at their stupidity.
Is it stupid to see the future in a positive light though? To know that what others see as unattainable, is, in fact, absolutely attainable?
Do we see the world as a box, or flat surface, as they did back in the day? The light at the end of the tunnel can only be seen through the transparent object in our way, or can we break through?
At that point, key factors in life kick in. Communication, perseverance, discernment... the list could go on and on.
Utilize those skills you have acquired throughout your life to shatter the glass ceiling and spread your wings. Because in the end, the glass ceiling is you. Your insecurities, your fears, your choices.
What's your next step?
6.16.2009
And The Summer Begins
I've recently just started my summer participating in the University of California Center Sacramento program. To explain in a few short words, I attend "Journalism Boot camp" for two weeks (which basically means taking two graduate classes through Berkeley's School of Journalism)and then intern with a media organization for the remaining 10 weeks while attending seminars.
Now that all that background info is out of the way, I want to tell you avid readers (anyone out there?! out there...out there... - that's an echo)some interesting things that happened today.
First of all, an assemblyman came to talk to us (if I recall correctly he is the President of the Assembly, actually). He comes in, talks about how us students are in a unique position right now, because a lot of decisions being made in the capitol building across the street from us, are monumental to our futures.
This wasn't very interesting but what caught my attention was how he made the state government seem so stupid. Well, it is when you sit down and think about it, but he's a part of it too. And is now running for the empty seat in the 10th congressional district of California. That's basically the east bay for all you who live there and actually care about your lives.
Anyways, the man basically said that our governator is cutting the budget for education, but is all about education. He is cutting the budget for the whole green movement, but is for the preservation of our green earth. Huh?
Why cut the budget where it does not need to be cut? Raise taxes on other things!
Another interesting thing that happened was we were all assigned to write a profile about a classmate.
So my interviewer calls me today, and asks me the now-age-old question: "You know about how the journalism field is dying out, newspapers are closing their doors, but obviously you have hope. Why?"
My response to this is quite obvious. We only receive credible information through the press. That isn't to say they are always honest or forthright with information - bureaucracy is a pain in the rear - but who gets international information from a random stranger's blog?
Anyone who is at all educated knows that credible information is the most useful in any situation (why we can't use wikipedia in school essays). However, the format is likely to change.
Society has come to a point where information needs to be easily accessible. That phrase used to mean "let me go down the street and get a newspaper for a quarter." Now it means, let me look it up on my iPhone that has internet access that has information updates every 1.5 seconds." We want everything all at once, and we want it fast.
Usually, I'd tell people to just slow down, take a chill pill, have some patience...(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jETv3NURwLc) but with the communications industry, there's no time to rest. And eventually, those newspaper stands will be as rare as telephone booths, if not more so. Information will come through the television, radio, and internet, and that's all.
Environmentalists probably love this because our beloved trees will only be used for extremely long essays students have to write instead of millions of copies of newspapers that end up on the floor or in the trash/recylce cans - whichever's closest. But then again, we're cutting money from education so maybe there won't be any essays in the trash either.
Now that all that background info is out of the way, I want to tell you avid readers (anyone out there?! out there...out there... - that's an echo)some interesting things that happened today.
First of all, an assemblyman came to talk to us (if I recall correctly he is the President of the Assembly, actually). He comes in, talks about how us students are in a unique position right now, because a lot of decisions being made in the capitol building across the street from us, are monumental to our futures.
This wasn't very interesting but what caught my attention was how he made the state government seem so stupid. Well, it is when you sit down and think about it, but he's a part of it too. And is now running for the empty seat in the 10th congressional district of California. That's basically the east bay for all you who live there and actually care about your lives.
Anyways, the man basically said that our governator is cutting the budget for education, but is all about education. He is cutting the budget for the whole green movement, but is for the preservation of our green earth. Huh?
Why cut the budget where it does not need to be cut? Raise taxes on other things!
Another interesting thing that happened was we were all assigned to write a profile about a classmate.
So my interviewer calls me today, and asks me the now-age-old question: "You know about how the journalism field is dying out, newspapers are closing their doors, but obviously you have hope. Why?"
My response to this is quite obvious. We only receive credible information through the press. That isn't to say they are always honest or forthright with information - bureaucracy is a pain in the rear - but who gets international information from a random stranger's blog?
Anyone who is at all educated knows that credible information is the most useful in any situation (why we can't use wikipedia in school essays). However, the format is likely to change.
Society has come to a point where information needs to be easily accessible. That phrase used to mean "let me go down the street and get a newspaper for a quarter." Now it means, let me look it up on my iPhone that has internet access that has information updates every 1.5 seconds." We want everything all at once, and we want it fast.
Usually, I'd tell people to just slow down, take a chill pill, have some patience...(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jETv3NURwLc) but with the communications industry, there's no time to rest. And eventually, those newspaper stands will be as rare as telephone booths, if not more so. Information will come through the television, radio, and internet, and that's all.
Environmentalists probably love this because our beloved trees will only be used for extremely long essays students have to write instead of millions of copies of newspapers that end up on the floor or in the trash/recylce cans - whichever's closest. But then again, we're cutting money from education so maybe there won't be any essays in the trash either.
6.07.2009
In Love and War
"Pride is an admission of weakness; it secretly fears all competition and dreads all rivals."
In the recent weeks, I've seen a lot of nonsense, and I use the word nonsense in place of a number of bad words that I'm trying to refrain from saying. Children verbally attacking their father publicly, adults sticking their noses so high in the air that they can't see their own footsteps trampling over their children, and family members showing no care to each other.
What does it all come down to? Those noses need to come down, the children need to listen to their father, and the family members should take a couple Sunday school lessons on what love actually is.
First of all, your father, hands down, knows better than you do. He sees everything from a point of view that is much wiser and much wider than your viewpoint. In addition to that, he loves you beyond belief and more than himself, and therefore should be trusted to do according to YOUR best interests.
At some point in your life, you become old enough to have your own opinion and state that opinion, to get the benefit of your father's wisdom as you make larger decisions in life. However, when this decision affects his house, his family, his children, you are no longer the one making the decision - he is. You can state your input and he will listen and try to accommodate, but it is the true test of a loving child, to simply obey and move on.
If you're still reading this, an organized venting of mine, I want you to physically look up - stick your nose in the air and see what happens when you look forward... can you see anything clearly? I don't know about you, but my eyes cross, and not only do I look ridiculous, but everything I'm seeing is over exaggerated. There's two television sets when in reality, there's only one lonely set chilling on the stand.
Pride is not something to laugh at. You only see yourself and what you want, being stubborn in your own way without pausing to see that the world does not and will not revolve around you. You're also hurting other people in the process. No matter how many times we deny it, there are others around us and our actions affect them. Being stubborn or, in my opinion, intentionally blind, leads to a lot of chaos.
The quote above really seems to fit with the situation though. If people didn't feel so insecure about themselves, they wouldn't push their agenda on others, creating an atmosphere of tension and hostility.
When I am in charge of some sort of activity at work, and the next year someone else becomes in charge of it due to management choices, and that person needs help, I am going to help them because I know how to do it. That's the nice, humble way of dealing with the situation, even if I don't especially like it.
The prideful and stupid way of dealing with it is by attempting to sabotage the activity by not helping that person. What you don't realize by sticking your nose in the air, is that life goes on without you. The world still turns, the clock still ticks, and you're left standing alone at the end of the day with nothing to show for it.
"If everyone cared, and swallowed their pride, we'd see the day, when no body died."
I love this song (If Everyone Cared by Nickelback)because it really shows how things would be different if people stopped focusing on themselves all the time. Yes, people might not die, although it is possible, but maybe you've killed their spirit. Do you want to be responsible for someone's death?
And what's another term that refers to how much we care? LOVE!!! "Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own..." (1 Cor. 13: 4-5) This verse from the Bible is so well known, and yet, no one seems to really know it.
If we just loved each other, above ourselves -just sacrificed our egos once in a while, none of these things would happen. And now I leave you with another quote to ponder:
"As soon as sacrifice becomes a duty and necessity to mankind, I see no limit to
the horizon which opens before him."
In the recent weeks, I've seen a lot of nonsense, and I use the word nonsense in place of a number of bad words that I'm trying to refrain from saying. Children verbally attacking their father publicly, adults sticking their noses so high in the air that they can't see their own footsteps trampling over their children, and family members showing no care to each other.
What does it all come down to? Those noses need to come down, the children need to listen to their father, and the family members should take a couple Sunday school lessons on what love actually is.
First of all, your father, hands down, knows better than you do. He sees everything from a point of view that is much wiser and much wider than your viewpoint. In addition to that, he loves you beyond belief and more than himself, and therefore should be trusted to do according to YOUR best interests.
At some point in your life, you become old enough to have your own opinion and state that opinion, to get the benefit of your father's wisdom as you make larger decisions in life. However, when this decision affects his house, his family, his children, you are no longer the one making the decision - he is. You can state your input and he will listen and try to accommodate, but it is the true test of a loving child, to simply obey and move on.
If you're still reading this, an organized venting of mine, I want you to physically look up - stick your nose in the air and see what happens when you look forward... can you see anything clearly? I don't know about you, but my eyes cross, and not only do I look ridiculous, but everything I'm seeing is over exaggerated. There's two television sets when in reality, there's only one lonely set chilling on the stand.
Pride is not something to laugh at. You only see yourself and what you want, being stubborn in your own way without pausing to see that the world does not and will not revolve around you. You're also hurting other people in the process. No matter how many times we deny it, there are others around us and our actions affect them. Being stubborn or, in my opinion, intentionally blind, leads to a lot of chaos.
The quote above really seems to fit with the situation though. If people didn't feel so insecure about themselves, they wouldn't push their agenda on others, creating an atmosphere of tension and hostility.
When I am in charge of some sort of activity at work, and the next year someone else becomes in charge of it due to management choices, and that person needs help, I am going to help them because I know how to do it. That's the nice, humble way of dealing with the situation, even if I don't especially like it.
The prideful and stupid way of dealing with it is by attempting to sabotage the activity by not helping that person. What you don't realize by sticking your nose in the air, is that life goes on without you. The world still turns, the clock still ticks, and you're left standing alone at the end of the day with nothing to show for it.
"If everyone cared, and swallowed their pride, we'd see the day, when no body died."
I love this song (If Everyone Cared by Nickelback)because it really shows how things would be different if people stopped focusing on themselves all the time. Yes, people might not die, although it is possible, but maybe you've killed their spirit. Do you want to be responsible for someone's death?
And what's another term that refers to how much we care? LOVE!!! "Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own..." (1 Cor. 13: 4-5) This verse from the Bible is so well known, and yet, no one seems to really know it.
If we just loved each other, above ourselves -just sacrificed our egos once in a while, none of these things would happen. And now I leave you with another quote to ponder:
"As soon as sacrifice becomes a duty and necessity to mankind, I see no limit to
the horizon which opens before him."
6.03.2009
Soundbite of Old
Recurring patterns
kaleidoscope in reverse
cross-continental journeys
lost trinkets of gold
Songs of days
a broken record in play
long trips at night
story after story told
Photographs falling
an open hand with wonder
hours of memories
fast-forward and fold
An art gallery filled with paintings
a junk yard of color
brush her hair right through
cut it, its sold
Sign the release form
find a companion for the time
interstate highways
blend in with the mold
kaleidoscope in reverse
cross-continental journeys
lost trinkets of gold
Songs of days
a broken record in play
long trips at night
story after story told
Photographs falling
an open hand with wonder
hours of memories
fast-forward and fold
An art gallery filled with paintings
a junk yard of color
brush her hair right through
cut it, its sold
Sign the release form
find a companion for the time
interstate highways
blend in with the mold
5.15.2009
In a Second
In a moment, your life flashes before your eyes
As you glide down that tunnel towards the light
Family, friends, the homeless guy down the street
the orphan who couldn't get enough of you
and the valet guy who kept asking you out
The places with which these people touched your heart
are mini gardens in the sky, mini clouds upon the earth
the amusement park in Florida, the grocery store in Toronto,
an empty classroom in Phoenix, the grassy hills of California
The days when the roller coaster just wouldn't come back up
stuck in downward motion, with a light slowly dimming out
All the words and emotions flowing into the thick air
fear, distraught, anger, confusion
It all came back to those same people
the ones who you couldn't help but love
They tore apart the roller coaster with bare hands
just so the upward turmoil could never end
And now it won't.
As you glide down that tunnel towards the light
Family, friends, the homeless guy down the street
the orphan who couldn't get enough of you
and the valet guy who kept asking you out
The places with which these people touched your heart
are mini gardens in the sky, mini clouds upon the earth
the amusement park in Florida, the grocery store in Toronto,
an empty classroom in Phoenix, the grassy hills of California
The days when the roller coaster just wouldn't come back up
stuck in downward motion, with a light slowly dimming out
All the words and emotions flowing into the thick air
fear, distraught, anger, confusion
It all came back to those same people
the ones who you couldn't help but love
They tore apart the roller coaster with bare hands
just so the upward turmoil could never end
And now it won't.
5.09.2009
Repetition
She took the most precious thing in the world
dropped it, broke it, let it shatter
the little cracks filled in with glue, no match
She shook him, tested him
distrusted the truth
She should have distrusted herself
She loved the man I love
but not enough...
And now I look in the mirror
tears running along the same tracks
and see her glaring back at me
I hate her for doing this.
She hates me for being too late.
dropped it, broke it, let it shatter
the little cracks filled in with glue, no match
She shook him, tested him
distrusted the truth
She should have distrusted herself
She loved the man I love
but not enough...
And now I look in the mirror
tears running along the same tracks
and see her glaring back at me
I hate her for doing this.
She hates me for being too late.
4.19.2009
Freedom
High school. I've been thinking a lot about it recently; not because I miss those times (though sometimes I feel as if the four whole years spent in one place could have been used better and there were definitely some good times), but mainly because I know quite a few people in high school who say things that bring me back a few years, to the times when I thought about the future and how I wanted it to be.
The main thing I craved was freedom. I wanted to be able to walk out of my house and back in whenever I wanted, without the constant burden of informing my parents or asking for permission about everything. That simple act however translated into something much bigger, that I've only noticed in the past few months.
I wanted to stop caring. Stop thinking about how my actions effect others so that I could be free to do whatever I want, whenever I want. In essence, I wanted to be heartless.
I've seen countless times since then, that freedom, in its entirety, is not possible. There is no way to have freedom if you have a heart.
Now that I live about an hour away from home, by myself, I don't have my parents on my back about when I leave or come back but I still have other people in my life - people I care about so much and would do anything for. I see how my actions, no matter how small to me, have large impacts on those around me.
Sometimes I feel that the amount of love I have for people makes my own heart tear; I want to give them everything, or do anything for them, but feel empty at the same time, as though I don't have anything to give in the first place.
It's a confusing situation, one that obviously needs a lot of contemplation, but that makes me see how juvenile I was in high school. And even at the beginning of college.
Freedom is what you make of it, but to possess it in its full form is to throw away your heart, your love, your life.
The main thing I craved was freedom. I wanted to be able to walk out of my house and back in whenever I wanted, without the constant burden of informing my parents or asking for permission about everything. That simple act however translated into something much bigger, that I've only noticed in the past few months.
I wanted to stop caring. Stop thinking about how my actions effect others so that I could be free to do whatever I want, whenever I want. In essence, I wanted to be heartless.
I've seen countless times since then, that freedom, in its entirety, is not possible. There is no way to have freedom if you have a heart.
Now that I live about an hour away from home, by myself, I don't have my parents on my back about when I leave or come back but I still have other people in my life - people I care about so much and would do anything for. I see how my actions, no matter how small to me, have large impacts on those around me.
Sometimes I feel that the amount of love I have for people makes my own heart tear; I want to give them everything, or do anything for them, but feel empty at the same time, as though I don't have anything to give in the first place.
It's a confusing situation, one that obviously needs a lot of contemplation, but that makes me see how juvenile I was in high school. And even at the beginning of college.
Freedom is what you make of it, but to possess it in its full form is to throw away your heart, your love, your life.
4.02.2009
Victim of Guilt
It started to drizzle on the windows a few years back
When it became apparent that loyalty and trust were hard to come by
My perception of the world dimmed as the sun hid behind clouds
Leaving the world more dreadful to my naked eye than before
I grew up, put a few years of experience under my belt
And the sun started to shine through the haze in pieces
Slowly allowing me to see a brighter world
Even among the destruction and sorrow raging around me
Before long I realized I had simply lost my eyesight
Blinded by my forced naïveté
And then it started pouring down rain
Eventually buckets of ice fell, tearing apart the newly sewn seams of my heart
It’s a tragedy when an individual has barely seen the sun
When she has become accustomed to a constant hailstorm
Unable to believe what she sees or hears because the sun is no longer shining
Colors are no longer brightly visible but in dull existence
I supposed this is simply a call out to those who have been victimized
To those who have lost their faith in humanity
There are still loyal and trustworthy people in the world
Yes, extremely difficult to come by, but they exist and are in hiding
[Hiding for the sake of their own hearts and souls, testing you in the same way]
And to those who have caused hearts to crack or completely shatter
It is time to pick up the pieces and become the person you were created to be
Or else face the consequences of pure emptiness and despair
Along with the weight of the world plastered against you
When it became apparent that loyalty and trust were hard to come by
My perception of the world dimmed as the sun hid behind clouds
Leaving the world more dreadful to my naked eye than before
I grew up, put a few years of experience under my belt
And the sun started to shine through the haze in pieces
Slowly allowing me to see a brighter world
Even among the destruction and sorrow raging around me
Before long I realized I had simply lost my eyesight
Blinded by my forced naïveté
And then it started pouring down rain
Eventually buckets of ice fell, tearing apart the newly sewn seams of my heart
It’s a tragedy when an individual has barely seen the sun
When she has become accustomed to a constant hailstorm
Unable to believe what she sees or hears because the sun is no longer shining
Colors are no longer brightly visible but in dull existence
I supposed this is simply a call out to those who have been victimized
To those who have lost their faith in humanity
There are still loyal and trustworthy people in the world
Yes, extremely difficult to come by, but they exist and are in hiding
[Hiding for the sake of their own hearts and souls, testing you in the same way]
And to those who have caused hearts to crack or completely shatter
It is time to pick up the pieces and become the person you were created to be
Or else face the consequences of pure emptiness and despair
Along with the weight of the world plastered against you
3.24.2009
Old Stuff
I’ve become a shadow walking by my own body
Watching, analyzing, dissecting my every move
And when eye start to see the real me finally starting to shine through
It is when I’m all alone in my room
The music turned up as loud as it can go
Writing random things, wearing random things
Not worrying about what other people think
Rebelling against the traditional mindset
Setting stones against the world for protection…
But then eye see myself with them,
The people I consider my friends, compadres,
I become a different person, ready to please the world
Eye am coming back to me to change it all around
I won’t smile in pictures, I’ll just make a goofy face
I’ll wear an entirely black outfit when I feel like it
I won’t be afraid to argue with you till the sun comes down
I’m going to keep fighting for what I know is right
I won’t let anyone get close enough to hurt me
I won’t make your mistake a second time
I won’t let my real friends slip away like water
I won’t let them think I’ve forgotten, even if I know they have
I’m still going to wear heels, even if it means towering over you
I’ll paint my nails whatever color fits my mood
I’ll mismatch my clothes, its called creativity, not blindness
I’ll screw around with my hair; it won’t be anything but messy
I won’t buy new makeup; they all come off, get over it
I won’t try and get a tan or stay out of the sun; it will simply follow me
I’m going to keep pestering you for testing your limits, and then allowing them to change
I won’t stop doing anything to suit the general opinion
I won’t start anything either
And I absolutely won’t let myself revert back to this façade I’ve been living
It hurts too much to watch
Watching, analyzing, dissecting my every move
And when eye start to see the real me finally starting to shine through
It is when I’m all alone in my room
The music turned up as loud as it can go
Writing random things, wearing random things
Not worrying about what other people think
Rebelling against the traditional mindset
Setting stones against the world for protection…
But then eye see myself with them,
The people I consider my friends, compadres,
I become a different person, ready to please the world
Eye am coming back to me to change it all around
I won’t smile in pictures, I’ll just make a goofy face
I’ll wear an entirely black outfit when I feel like it
I won’t be afraid to argue with you till the sun comes down
I’m going to keep fighting for what I know is right
I won’t let anyone get close enough to hurt me
I won’t make your mistake a second time
I won’t let my real friends slip away like water
I won’t let them think I’ve forgotten, even if I know they have
I’m still going to wear heels, even if it means towering over you
I’ll paint my nails whatever color fits my mood
I’ll mismatch my clothes, its called creativity, not blindness
I’ll screw around with my hair; it won’t be anything but messy
I won’t buy new makeup; they all come off, get over it
I won’t try and get a tan or stay out of the sun; it will simply follow me
I’m going to keep pestering you for testing your limits, and then allowing them to change
I won’t stop doing anything to suit the general opinion
I won’t start anything either
And I absolutely won’t let myself revert back to this façade I’ve been living
It hurts too much to watch
Boggle
I remember playing a game in elementary school called Boggle. To be perfectly honest, I don't remember how to play. I know I shook a box full of letters and tried to see how many words I could find but I'm not entirely sure if that's how it was intended to be played.
But what is truly mind blowing, is how life can be a lot like this boggle game. Something happens, your whole world gets turned upside down, shaken, and then the pieces fall back into some chaotic but puzzle-like manner. And then you must learn to deal with the change.
The only problem is that sometimes that change, that reversal of all you thought to be true and good in the world, can be extremely difficult to accept or tolerate. And I'm not talking about the death of someone or the loss of a job; I'm talking about the things that happened years ago and still affect your mind and heart daily. Yes, the loss of a loved one is heartbreaking, but can you control death? No. Can you control that CEO who decided you weren't good enough for a promotion? Not really. (Well, you can try I suppose.)
The change that happens because of human fallibility is what is undeniably, well, annoying. And being reminded of that boggling experience over and over again takes a toll.
Today, a friend reminded me to remember all of the blessings in my life. I might not have the perfect life I always thought, but I have my family, and friends. This is all well and good, but it's way easier said than done.
I am thankful for everything I have or don't have, and a lot of times, I realize the change that happened in my life ended up being for the best. But I can't help and see what I've lost in the process.
I wish I could take that Boggle game and shake it again, to make the pieces fall back where they were, but then what words would be left?
Routine.
Temptation.
Stray.
Updated 2 hours ago · Comment · Like
But what is truly mind blowing, is how life can be a lot like this boggle game. Something happens, your whole world gets turned upside down, shaken, and then the pieces fall back into some chaotic but puzzle-like manner. And then you must learn to deal with the change.
The only problem is that sometimes that change, that reversal of all you thought to be true and good in the world, can be extremely difficult to accept or tolerate. And I'm not talking about the death of someone or the loss of a job; I'm talking about the things that happened years ago and still affect your mind and heart daily. Yes, the loss of a loved one is heartbreaking, but can you control death? No. Can you control that CEO who decided you weren't good enough for a promotion? Not really. (Well, you can try I suppose.)
The change that happens because of human fallibility is what is undeniably, well, annoying. And being reminded of that boggling experience over and over again takes a toll.
Today, a friend reminded me to remember all of the blessings in my life. I might not have the perfect life I always thought, but I have my family, and friends. This is all well and good, but it's way easier said than done.
I am thankful for everything I have or don't have, and a lot of times, I realize the change that happened in my life ended up being for the best. But I can't help and see what I've lost in the process.
I wish I could take that Boggle game and shake it again, to make the pieces fall back where they were, but then what words would be left?
Routine.
Temptation.
Stray.
Updated 2 hours ago · Comment · Like
3.20.2009
Disillusionment
It has come to my attention that pain, any type, has amazing effects on an individual's behavior. And I do not mean amazing in any positive way, in case you misunderstand. It cages the body, disillusions the mind, restricts the heart; and in the process, I believe the spirit of a person is lost, at least temporarily, because the pain essentially dictates one's life.
It is an extremely painful, pun intended, phenomenon to witness and the effects are devastating even to the viewer. If one breaks a leg, the pain is in that portion of the leg and maybe in surrounding regions. But this is not the kind of pain I am referring to. I'm talking about the kind of pain that is permanently engraved in your life. Whether it is a terminal illness like cancer, or a disease that took months or even years to fight off, it takes a toll.
I have a few friends that would fall under these different categories but I will only use two as examples so that your eyes don't feel too weary after reading this. For privacy's sake their names are Sue and Jan.
Sue was diagnosed with breast cancer a few months after having her first child. Her baby daughter was a bundle of joy, but Sue could barely smile knowing that sooner or later, she would never be able to hold her baby in her arms again. It was a devastating time for Sue and her family and friends, for every moment was spent coddling her daughter or crying on the chest of her husband, feeling as though the cancer was making her too weak to move on and enjoy the time left on Earth.
Jan’s story is quite different. At the age of 13 she began to have stabbing, aching, searing pain running through her arms and legs. Over time, the pain became increasingly worse, giving her stomach issues, heart issues, and even the daily migraine. With every doctor unsure about the cause of neither this tremendous problem nor an idea about how to treat it, Jan’s enthusiastic and fun-loving spirit started to wane. School was out of the picture 4 out of the 5 days, church was simply a place to go out of habit rather than need or desire to, and it became harder and harder to hang out with her friends.
In both cases, the friends and family of these two women saw a change not only in the ladies’ actions and behavior, but also in their personality and life-long goals. Obviously, when one is struck with this immense burden, one should come to the realization that the time left should be spent wisely and to the benefit of oneself. While it takes a different amount of time for each individual case to finally appreciate that, the people on the outside are feeling a different sort of pain – one that has no physical effects, but leaves emotional and spiritual scars.
Watching a loved one’s life deteriorate before their eyes is an experience I would wish on no one, and yet eventually we all come across it. Personally speaking, I can pray and help out as much as humanly possible and nothing happens. It’s as if the heavens have closed and my actions have no bearing on this person’s life.
So, I guess my question is: what next? What does one do, regardless of whether they are the one in pain or not, when all hope has vanished like the sun in the dead of night?
It is an extremely painful, pun intended, phenomenon to witness and the effects are devastating even to the viewer. If one breaks a leg, the pain is in that portion of the leg and maybe in surrounding regions. But this is not the kind of pain I am referring to. I'm talking about the kind of pain that is permanently engraved in your life. Whether it is a terminal illness like cancer, or a disease that took months or even years to fight off, it takes a toll.
I have a few friends that would fall under these different categories but I will only use two as examples so that your eyes don't feel too weary after reading this. For privacy's sake their names are Sue and Jan.
Sue was diagnosed with breast cancer a few months after having her first child. Her baby daughter was a bundle of joy, but Sue could barely smile knowing that sooner or later, she would never be able to hold her baby in her arms again. It was a devastating time for Sue and her family and friends, for every moment was spent coddling her daughter or crying on the chest of her husband, feeling as though the cancer was making her too weak to move on and enjoy the time left on Earth.
Jan’s story is quite different. At the age of 13 she began to have stabbing, aching, searing pain running through her arms and legs. Over time, the pain became increasingly worse, giving her stomach issues, heart issues, and even the daily migraine. With every doctor unsure about the cause of neither this tremendous problem nor an idea about how to treat it, Jan’s enthusiastic and fun-loving spirit started to wane. School was out of the picture 4 out of the 5 days, church was simply a place to go out of habit rather than need or desire to, and it became harder and harder to hang out with her friends.
In both cases, the friends and family of these two women saw a change not only in the ladies’ actions and behavior, but also in their personality and life-long goals. Obviously, when one is struck with this immense burden, one should come to the realization that the time left should be spent wisely and to the benefit of oneself. While it takes a different amount of time for each individual case to finally appreciate that, the people on the outside are feeling a different sort of pain – one that has no physical effects, but leaves emotional and spiritual scars.
Watching a loved one’s life deteriorate before their eyes is an experience I would wish on no one, and yet eventually we all come across it. Personally speaking, I can pray and help out as much as humanly possible and nothing happens. It’s as if the heavens have closed and my actions have no bearing on this person’s life.
So, I guess my question is: what next? What does one do, regardless of whether they are the one in pain or not, when all hope has vanished like the sun in the dead of night?
Looking Down
Whispers of pain float through the muddy puddles in my eyes
Drops of rain tap the floor in quick rhythmic beats of my heart
The vapors slowly embarking on a new journey outside of me
Dying quickly due to bitter conditions and such a sudden part
Hands quivering from the knowledge of loneliness
Muscles rigid and inflexible, forcing me to clench my fingers
Steps quicken with each movement, attempting to run away from memories
But the warmth of your voice and touch still lingers
My desire for you has not yet vanished
Even through the anger and irritation that runs through me
My character flaws have led me to this point of no return
Where the rollercoaster ride has come to a halt at the peak
There is no where to go at this point, no mode of escape
For fear of breaking myself I refuse to jump from such a high place
But your impenetrable silence is causing my heart to rupture
As the thousand mile run we must complete becomes a race
Drops of rain tap the floor in quick rhythmic beats of my heart
The vapors slowly embarking on a new journey outside of me
Dying quickly due to bitter conditions and such a sudden part
Hands quivering from the knowledge of loneliness
Muscles rigid and inflexible, forcing me to clench my fingers
Steps quicken with each movement, attempting to run away from memories
But the warmth of your voice and touch still lingers
My desire for you has not yet vanished
Even through the anger and irritation that runs through me
My character flaws have led me to this point of no return
Where the rollercoaster ride has come to a halt at the peak
There is no where to go at this point, no mode of escape
For fear of breaking myself I refuse to jump from such a high place
But your impenetrable silence is causing my heart to rupture
As the thousand mile run we must complete becomes a race
Heartbeats
Apparently tomorrow is Egyptian Mother's Day & I found a poem I wrote a couple years ago for mother's day so... it seemed appropriate :)
Place your hand over your heart and listen to the silent beats
Each one gently calling for your watchful concentration
Think about your life, whether extensive or not
And take these subtle facts into consideration
Each pound of the heart resembles a characteristic your mother possesses
The many gifts God granted her from the moment she thought of bringing life to this world
The numerous qualities we overlook day to day because we’re caught up in our own lives
But one day of the year, when these blessings suddenly become unfurled
Firstly, God gave her strength, to carry you in her womb for nine months straight
To bear the burden of your presence when times were getting rough
To carry the weight of your transgressions as though her own
And to hold on to you as though her life depended on it, even when she’d had enough
She was given patience, to teach you the early steps of existence
The mere act of smiling when you had reached the goal in crawling
To point you in the right path when she saw you swaying with the tide
How to climb the ladder of life and do so without the fear of falling
She was granted understanding; to help you deal with the aches and pains
She knows the tricks the mind plays to make one feel insecure
Even when you don’t say a word, she understands what’s in your heart
She has wisdom to know the right thing to say and the awareness to know the cure
But lastly, God gave her the most precious gift that encompasses each and every one
The one thing that can conquer all malevolence and malice that should ever strike one’s heart
She has it under lock and key, safely stored for only her children to receive
In droves, the love for her child runs deep and existed in her being from the very start
Remember, with each passing heartbeat, that God gave your mother these precious things
But He gave each one of us the most heartwarming and amazing gift of the combinations
A strong woman who patiently understands our every want and need
A mother who loves us and cares for us as we attempt to pass on her legacy to future generations
Place your hand over your heart and listen to the silent beats
Each one gently calling for your watchful concentration
Think about your life, whether extensive or not
And take these subtle facts into consideration
Each pound of the heart resembles a characteristic your mother possesses
The many gifts God granted her from the moment she thought of bringing life to this world
The numerous qualities we overlook day to day because we’re caught up in our own lives
But one day of the year, when these blessings suddenly become unfurled
Firstly, God gave her strength, to carry you in her womb for nine months straight
To bear the burden of your presence when times were getting rough
To carry the weight of your transgressions as though her own
And to hold on to you as though her life depended on it, even when she’d had enough
She was given patience, to teach you the early steps of existence
The mere act of smiling when you had reached the goal in crawling
To point you in the right path when she saw you swaying with the tide
How to climb the ladder of life and do so without the fear of falling
She was granted understanding; to help you deal with the aches and pains
She knows the tricks the mind plays to make one feel insecure
Even when you don’t say a word, she understands what’s in your heart
She has wisdom to know the right thing to say and the awareness to know the cure
But lastly, God gave her the most precious gift that encompasses each and every one
The one thing that can conquer all malevolence and malice that should ever strike one’s heart
She has it under lock and key, safely stored for only her children to receive
In droves, the love for her child runs deep and existed in her being from the very start
Remember, with each passing heartbeat, that God gave your mother these precious things
But He gave each one of us the most heartwarming and amazing gift of the combinations
A strong woman who patiently understands our every want and need
A mother who loves us and cares for us as we attempt to pass on her legacy to future generations
3.17.2009
Destruction of Perfection
A story I wrote in High School:
I watch the leaves pass over the clear blue water slowly turning a shade of orange due to a setting sun. Even the sun seems to know my deed while it hangs low behind the horizon as though depressed and disappointed in me. But I refuse to respond to the beauty calling my name aloud. A different sort of beauty appeals to me - one of loud screams and red blood wafting into my senses. The rush of hearing the last gasp of breath gives me the most exhilarating and enticing feeling I could ever dream of. My blood crashes from my beating heart through every vein in my body with such force, it's hard to breathe. And after it's done, I sit staring through the woman's blank eyes, shaking. My body rocks in place as I start laughing hysterically. The sound of my voice echoes through the empty room, only containing a bed and a box of knickknacks I pick up in my adventures; necklaces that I eventually throw into a lake along with their owners. My conscious reverts back to the present time and I realize this lake I am standing at the edge of is burning red versus the orangey color it was before. It's been done once more and with the same amount of prestige as any other time. Perfect.
And yet the trees mock me and pierce the surface of the water with their branches as though threatening to turn me in. I must remember to cut those trees down… they'll be my downfall. And yet everything that surrounds this lake witnesses my acts of splendor and does nothing except swing in the bitterly cold wind. The wind pushes my deeds to the other side of the lake so that some unsuspecting victim will come across it. The small fish and other creatures beneath the surface must have one delicious feast each day… I don't envy them but rather feel the connection. It's what keeps us animals moving…fresh flesh.
I walk back to the cabin in search of some wood to burn in the fireplace until I get back from a new hunt but I'm scared the long, strengthening arms of these great oaks will swipe at my face in anger. They see so much and endure much pain I'd imagine as I cut off wood for my own purposes and hurting an innocent living being. Oh well. There are more important things to busy myself with…
As I walk through the streets filled with crowds of gossiping families and groups of friends, I feel the usual surge of energy rush into my veins. The prowler in me has released itself among the hundreds of innocent victims, waiting for that special one to walk by. The perfect candidate to be chosen to witness the most spectacular thing they can imagine: the destruction of a desired perfection. My fantasies run away with me as a beautiful brunette walks by. Her name, age, occupation, family life information, anything one would want to know in a civilized conversation, is unnecessary to me. As long as her voluptuous body can ease my aching heart…And there she is…the one that will bring peace to my mind tonight.
I slowly walk towards her, watching her smooth, long brown hair slide gracefully back and forth across her back. Her heels click against the cement in obvious urgency. I have always wondered why women wear heals if it slows them down but I don't complain. They seem to make the woman's calves flex, reflecting the sun's radiance in the light crevice of muscle that bulges ever so slightly. My knees rapidly lose strength as I watch her walk across the quad. I'm only gazing upon the back side of her full being and already I can't wait for tonight. When my hormones will be put to the test, and then let go until tomorrow. Somehow she will see that being perfect should not be the focus of society. Having the perfect body does not make you any more sensual than one that does not. She will see. I will make her see. And when she does, it will be the last thing she ever makes out with her naked eye.
Slowly the sun is bidding a gracious farewell to earth as we all collectively welcome the moon with open arms. Night. The image of perfection in my mind. Balls of gas burning thousands of miles away and yet still shedding light on those they know nothing of. I have followed this woman throughout the entire city, waiting for her to get home, so that I may act as the stars and shed some light on her mind. They will all know my name soon enough.
Finally, after much toil with my thoughts as to how I was going to capture this woman, I have her in my possession. No one will ever know how she disappeared as I leave no traces behind. My gentle nature with her in the beginning made sure she made no sound and could not slyly call anyone. Genius, I know. Now, she is lying on the bed, looking quite peaceful and with a strange expression on her face. Almost smiling but…maybe I'm just imagining things. Anyways, time to get to work. First things first… I need to find a knife of some sort and a piece of coal to rip apart the flawlessness of this creature as I take the pleasure from her too. What can I say, I'm a man. I need satisfaction in my life and physical satisfaction is my middle name.
"Where am I??" The woman's awake. It is time for the fun to begin.
"You are in my humble home, under my rules, and at my leisure." I always start out that way. "If you attempt to run away, which you won't have time to do, believe me, it won't be pretty."
"What do you want with me? WHO ARE YOU??" This woman's brain seems to be malfunctioning; she wants to know what I'm going to do before knowing who the hell I am. She must be frightened. Good.
"My identity shall not be known to you, and what I'm going to do will be simple to understand once you look about the room. Firstly, look at your own body. It's bare. I plan to have my way with you if that's ok?"
She didn't answer. I just laughed at my own joke, who would ask their victim if it's ok to go on with the plan? NO ONE. Hilarious.
"Anyway, that's only part of it. As you display you're your splendors of sexuality, I will be using this piece of coal that lies in my hand, which will momentarily be heated, to slowly bake the surface of your skin. When the wounds are deep enough, and your energy has completely run out, I will start the old art of amputation. A leg, arms, whatever I think is necessary to the demise of your blatantly portrayed excellence. And then you'll slowly bleed to death the last few moments of your life, as I watch the last stages of the destruction of perfection finally come to a remarkable end. Any questions?"
"Yes. Why are you doing all of this to me?" SHE style="mso-spacerun: yes" why. WHY?! DID I NOT JUST TELL YOU!?!
"Women like you seem to think that physical beauty is everything; that every part of your body needs to be perfect. Look at me. I'm far from "perfect", in fact most people would call me giant or fatso or whatever they choose to spit out. Yet my appearance hides my true nature of…"
"Your evil nature! Someone will catch you someday!" She needlessly interrupted me. This is ridiculous; I refuse to speak to this woman any longer. I will just ignore anything else she says until I am finished heating this piece of coal. That bitch, trying to psych me out, make me thing I'll get caught. Like hell I will.
"Are you listening to me, you evil bastard?!"
"No."
"You're a twisted son of a --"
"Stop. Right now. If you say one more word, your punishment will be greater."
She stopped talking. Finally, silence. The only thing making noise in the room now is the cackling of the fire, wordlessly displaying the chuckle rising in my lungs. Once more, my deed will be done with the utmost perfection. TRUE PERFECTION.
*********
A small boy in the next room was playing in the castle he built by himself when he heard a bloodcurdling scream. A woman, he sensed, had just been viciously torn to pieces. He slowly got up, walked a few steps down the hall, and peered into the room.
The woman's skin looked like a marshmallow over an open fire. Burnt to the point where skin was peeling off in all directions. Her chocolate brown eyes were bulging from their sockets and her mouth still wide open after screaming. It seemed as though the shock of the situation had just hit her square in the face. The boy's father began to cut the woman's fingers off as he gazed intently upon her flawless facial features. The woman looked down and instantly fainted upon witnessing this horrific scene. He began to saw at other limbs until the bed was weighing down with the hefty amount of blood that had seeped into its seams. When he finished, he tilted her head to the side, unclasped the chain that lay limp upon her neck, and placed the necklace in the palm of his hand. He looked around at his son and smiled.
"Fine work father. You will be rewarded in due time for your good deeds."
I watch the leaves pass over the clear blue water slowly turning a shade of orange due to a setting sun. Even the sun seems to know my deed while it hangs low behind the horizon as though depressed and disappointed in me. But I refuse to respond to the beauty calling my name aloud. A different sort of beauty appeals to me - one of loud screams and red blood wafting into my senses. The rush of hearing the last gasp of breath gives me the most exhilarating and enticing feeling I could ever dream of. My blood crashes from my beating heart through every vein in my body with such force, it's hard to breathe. And after it's done, I sit staring through the woman's blank eyes, shaking. My body rocks in place as I start laughing hysterically. The sound of my voice echoes through the empty room, only containing a bed and a box of knickknacks I pick up in my adventures; necklaces that I eventually throw into a lake along with their owners. My conscious reverts back to the present time and I realize this lake I am standing at the edge of is burning red versus the orangey color it was before. It's been done once more and with the same amount of prestige as any other time. Perfect.
And yet the trees mock me and pierce the surface of the water with their branches as though threatening to turn me in. I must remember to cut those trees down… they'll be my downfall. And yet everything that surrounds this lake witnesses my acts of splendor and does nothing except swing in the bitterly cold wind. The wind pushes my deeds to the other side of the lake so that some unsuspecting victim will come across it. The small fish and other creatures beneath the surface must have one delicious feast each day… I don't envy them but rather feel the connection. It's what keeps us animals moving…fresh flesh.
I walk back to the cabin in search of some wood to burn in the fireplace until I get back from a new hunt but I'm scared the long, strengthening arms of these great oaks will swipe at my face in anger. They see so much and endure much pain I'd imagine as I cut off wood for my own purposes and hurting an innocent living being. Oh well. There are more important things to busy myself with…
As I walk through the streets filled with crowds of gossiping families and groups of friends, I feel the usual surge of energy rush into my veins. The prowler in me has released itself among the hundreds of innocent victims, waiting for that special one to walk by. The perfect candidate to be chosen to witness the most spectacular thing they can imagine: the destruction of a desired perfection. My fantasies run away with me as a beautiful brunette walks by. Her name, age, occupation, family life information, anything one would want to know in a civilized conversation, is unnecessary to me. As long as her voluptuous body can ease my aching heart…And there she is…the one that will bring peace to my mind tonight.
I slowly walk towards her, watching her smooth, long brown hair slide gracefully back and forth across her back. Her heels click against the cement in obvious urgency. I have always wondered why women wear heals if it slows them down but I don't complain. They seem to make the woman's calves flex, reflecting the sun's radiance in the light crevice of muscle that bulges ever so slightly. My knees rapidly lose strength as I watch her walk across the quad. I'm only gazing upon the back side of her full being and already I can't wait for tonight. When my hormones will be put to the test, and then let go until tomorrow. Somehow she will see that being perfect should not be the focus of society. Having the perfect body does not make you any more sensual than one that does not. She will see. I will make her see. And when she does, it will be the last thing she ever makes out with her naked eye.
Slowly the sun is bidding a gracious farewell to earth as we all collectively welcome the moon with open arms. Night. The image of perfection in my mind. Balls of gas burning thousands of miles away and yet still shedding light on those they know nothing of. I have followed this woman throughout the entire city, waiting for her to get home, so that I may act as the stars and shed some light on her mind. They will all know my name soon enough.
Finally, after much toil with my thoughts as to how I was going to capture this woman, I have her in my possession. No one will ever know how she disappeared as I leave no traces behind. My gentle nature with her in the beginning made sure she made no sound and could not slyly call anyone. Genius, I know. Now, she is lying on the bed, looking quite peaceful and with a strange expression on her face. Almost smiling but…maybe I'm just imagining things. Anyways, time to get to work. First things first… I need to find a knife of some sort and a piece of coal to rip apart the flawlessness of this creature as I take the pleasure from her too. What can I say, I'm a man. I need satisfaction in my life and physical satisfaction is my middle name.
"Where am I??" The woman's awake. It is time for the fun to begin.
"You are in my humble home, under my rules, and at my leisure." I always start out that way. "If you attempt to run away, which you won't have time to do, believe me, it won't be pretty."
"What do you want with me? WHO ARE YOU??" This woman's brain seems to be malfunctioning; she wants to know what I'm going to do before knowing who the hell I am. She must be frightened. Good.
"My identity shall not be known to you, and what I'm going to do will be simple to understand once you look about the room. Firstly, look at your own body. It's bare. I plan to have my way with you if that's ok?"
She didn't answer. I just laughed at my own joke, who would ask their victim if it's ok to go on with the plan? NO ONE. Hilarious.
"Anyway, that's only part of it. As you display you're your splendors of sexuality, I will be using this piece of coal that lies in my hand, which will momentarily be heated, to slowly bake the surface of your skin. When the wounds are deep enough, and your energy has completely run out, I will start the old art of amputation. A leg, arms, whatever I think is necessary to the demise of your blatantly portrayed excellence. And then you'll slowly bleed to death the last few moments of your life, as I watch the last stages of the destruction of perfection finally come to a remarkable end. Any questions?"
"Yes. Why are you doing all of this to me?" SHE style="mso-spacerun: yes" why. WHY?! DID I NOT JUST TELL YOU!?!
"Women like you seem to think that physical beauty is everything; that every part of your body needs to be perfect. Look at me. I'm far from "perfect", in fact most people would call me giant or fatso or whatever they choose to spit out. Yet my appearance hides my true nature of…"
"Your evil nature! Someone will catch you someday!" She needlessly interrupted me. This is ridiculous; I refuse to speak to this woman any longer. I will just ignore anything else she says until I am finished heating this piece of coal. That bitch, trying to psych me out, make me thing I'll get caught. Like hell I will.
"Are you listening to me, you evil bastard?!"
"No."
"You're a twisted son of a --"
"Stop. Right now. If you say one more word, your punishment will be greater."
She stopped talking. Finally, silence. The only thing making noise in the room now is the cackling of the fire, wordlessly displaying the chuckle rising in my lungs. Once more, my deed will be done with the utmost perfection. TRUE PERFECTION.
*********
A small boy in the next room was playing in the castle he built by himself when he heard a bloodcurdling scream. A woman, he sensed, had just been viciously torn to pieces. He slowly got up, walked a few steps down the hall, and peered into the room.
The woman's skin looked like a marshmallow over an open fire. Burnt to the point where skin was peeling off in all directions. Her chocolate brown eyes were bulging from their sockets and her mouth still wide open after screaming. It seemed as though the shock of the situation had just hit her square in the face. The boy's father began to cut the woman's fingers off as he gazed intently upon her flawless facial features. The woman looked down and instantly fainted upon witnessing this horrific scene. He began to saw at other limbs until the bed was weighing down with the hefty amount of blood that had seeped into its seams. When he finished, he tilted her head to the side, unclasped the chain that lay limp upon her neck, and placed the necklace in the palm of his hand. He looked around at his son and smiled.
"Fine work father. You will be rewarded in due time for your good deeds."
Climbing Through Windows
Written long ago:
A multitude of angels cried that cold night eight years ago
The day that had seemed like any other, had only been a show
For that night, my best friend, the one I confided everything in
Was subjected to the worst possible kind of end
Unaware of what was to befall him the following night
He slept soundly in his bed, free of any fright
Awoken by the sound of garbage trucks, he arose
Out of under the warm blankets without another doze
Steadily walking, afraid to wake anyone out of sleep
He crawled through his window and jumped into the deep
Landing on the soft ground, he quickly moved on
Arriving at another window, across the empty lawn
Beams of light shone through the glass, she was awake
Dressed to rebel and have fun, ready for what was at stake
That night the crickets and birds sang songs of joyous tunes
The sun set in deep regret while the planets revolved around their moons
Regardless of the risks they were taking by being awake that late
The two friends didn’t let anything get in the way of their play date
They had planned to be together until someone else took a midnight roam
The following night however, the boy did not return to her home
The girl finally fell asleep after waiting for hours and hours
Only to be awoken by the door bell and a room filled with flowers
Suddenly frightened the girl arose with such speed and ran to the door
A woman stood patiently outside, tears welling in her eyes and dropping to the floor
Without saying a word, she quickly handed her another bouquet
And the girl stood staring at her for a few minutes as she scampered away
Confusion and frustration penetrated the young one’s heart
As she searched for the answers with which no one would part
She left the house and walked a few feet to the next door
Rang the bell once, twice and waited some more
Her friend’s mother finally answered her call and opened the gate
A box of Kleenex in one hand and the other trying to wipe away fate
At last it hit the girl like a ton of heavy red bricks
This was something she could not ever even try to fix
The little boy with whom she had so much fun
Had left his home, his life had ended. Done.
Depression filled her heart and mind as she pushed away everyone who cared
Anger and despair overcame her and forced her to do what no one else had dared
All of the flowers the family received as gifts of grievance
Were thrown away and replaced with toys that displayed adolescence
She wanted her best friend to live and see life after elementary school
All the people they saw in television shows that seemed so cool
But that was never going to happen and the only way to make up for it
Was to demonstrate to him what he would have had if he hadn’t split
How could God separate two children in that horrible way?
To take one up to heaven and leave the other astray?
It was so hard after He took you away from me, life was never the same
We had always thought life would take us places, but it was just a game
I miss you so much and hope to see you very soon
Because I can’t live without the memories becoming my tune
I love you so much and your love to me I lack
But a multitude of angels cried that night, and told me you’d come back.
A multitude of angels cried that cold night eight years ago
The day that had seemed like any other, had only been a show
For that night, my best friend, the one I confided everything in
Was subjected to the worst possible kind of end
Unaware of what was to befall him the following night
He slept soundly in his bed, free of any fright
Awoken by the sound of garbage trucks, he arose
Out of under the warm blankets without another doze
Steadily walking, afraid to wake anyone out of sleep
He crawled through his window and jumped into the deep
Landing on the soft ground, he quickly moved on
Arriving at another window, across the empty lawn
Beams of light shone through the glass, she was awake
Dressed to rebel and have fun, ready for what was at stake
That night the crickets and birds sang songs of joyous tunes
The sun set in deep regret while the planets revolved around their moons
Regardless of the risks they were taking by being awake that late
The two friends didn’t let anything get in the way of their play date
They had planned to be together until someone else took a midnight roam
The following night however, the boy did not return to her home
The girl finally fell asleep after waiting for hours and hours
Only to be awoken by the door bell and a room filled with flowers
Suddenly frightened the girl arose with such speed and ran to the door
A woman stood patiently outside, tears welling in her eyes and dropping to the floor
Without saying a word, she quickly handed her another bouquet
And the girl stood staring at her for a few minutes as she scampered away
Confusion and frustration penetrated the young one’s heart
As she searched for the answers with which no one would part
She left the house and walked a few feet to the next door
Rang the bell once, twice and waited some more
Her friend’s mother finally answered her call and opened the gate
A box of Kleenex in one hand and the other trying to wipe away fate
At last it hit the girl like a ton of heavy red bricks
This was something she could not ever even try to fix
The little boy with whom she had so much fun
Had left his home, his life had ended. Done.
Depression filled her heart and mind as she pushed away everyone who cared
Anger and despair overcame her and forced her to do what no one else had dared
All of the flowers the family received as gifts of grievance
Were thrown away and replaced with toys that displayed adolescence
She wanted her best friend to live and see life after elementary school
All the people they saw in television shows that seemed so cool
But that was never going to happen and the only way to make up for it
Was to demonstrate to him what he would have had if he hadn’t split
How could God separate two children in that horrible way?
To take one up to heaven and leave the other astray?
It was so hard after He took you away from me, life was never the same
We had always thought life would take us places, but it was just a game
I miss you so much and hope to see you very soon
Because I can’t live without the memories becoming my tune
I love you so much and your love to me I lack
But a multitude of angels cried that night, and told me you’d come back.
Asphyxiation
Smiles on unrecognizable faces
A scissor in hand ready to clip my wings
Expectations rise & I’m required to rise with them
The irony dripping from my bleeding back
I stare out the window knowing deep down
It’s all wrong
Dark clouds filled with self-serving power eclipse the sun
Ridding my world of all hope for a better future
The sadness within me rises to the surface
Boiling and effervescing against the inside of my heart
As the tears come out of a wounded soul
My body is torn apart, piece by piece
Leaving nothing but a weak and flat spirit
Unable to break free and return to happiness
A rare and lost commodity in this obscurity we call life
But all of this raging emotion is undetected
And denied by those who instigate the pain
Blinded to the anger welled up within me, I wait
For the right time, the perfect moment to let loose
Release all demons and then turn my back
On this life I am merely present for, not truly living
That day…that second… will be the pinnacle of my strength
The declaration of my independence,
A release from this suffocation
And the start of something new
A scissor in hand ready to clip my wings
Expectations rise & I’m required to rise with them
The irony dripping from my bleeding back
I stare out the window knowing deep down
It’s all wrong
Dark clouds filled with self-serving power eclipse the sun
Ridding my world of all hope for a better future
The sadness within me rises to the surface
Boiling and effervescing against the inside of my heart
As the tears come out of a wounded soul
My body is torn apart, piece by piece
Leaving nothing but a weak and flat spirit
Unable to break free and return to happiness
A rare and lost commodity in this obscurity we call life
But all of this raging emotion is undetected
And denied by those who instigate the pain
Blinded to the anger welled up within me, I wait
For the right time, the perfect moment to let loose
Release all demons and then turn my back
On this life I am merely present for, not truly living
That day…that second… will be the pinnacle of my strength
The declaration of my independence,
A release from this suffocation
And the start of something new
1.31.2009
SERIES (Part 3): Strength in a Rainbow
Rain drops tapping gently against my bare skin
A reminder of nature's beauty and its intricate design
The magnificent light of the sun shines through the clouds
Recreating the promise God left to us, a promise he kept in forgiveness.
As I keep climbing, sure to reach some sort of refuge
I find myself parallel to so many other sinners
Each following his or her own path to salvation
I watch people tripping others to get ahead, not realized the inevitable
The mountain only grows in their path, pushing them farther down than before
It is one of the hardest things to do:
Simply watch or fall victim to others' insidious actions intended to hurt
And remain peaceful within myself, sensitive still to their feelings
We stand upright and tall, preaching of God's never ending love for us
And boasting of our initiative to emulate Him in any and every possible way
And yet, we become hypocrites as soon as a speck of dust falls upon a clear glass window
As though a threat to an alleged foundation built through many years
A wave of discouragement and hopelessness has come over me
The real threat in my journey towards the peak
But I continue to plod forward, anxious to get some rest and tranquility
Knowing that the rainbow is not only God's original covenant to Moses and to man
But a sign that anything is possible with Him in my heart
With His guidence and with His love, one day,
I'll be able to forgive those who have trespassed against me,
Set aside my pride and look upwards, towards heaven, and smile.
A reminder of nature's beauty and its intricate design
The magnificent light of the sun shines through the clouds
Recreating the promise God left to us, a promise he kept in forgiveness.
As I keep climbing, sure to reach some sort of refuge
I find myself parallel to so many other sinners
Each following his or her own path to salvation
I watch people tripping others to get ahead, not realized the inevitable
The mountain only grows in their path, pushing them farther down than before
It is one of the hardest things to do:
Simply watch or fall victim to others' insidious actions intended to hurt
And remain peaceful within myself, sensitive still to their feelings
We stand upright and tall, preaching of God's never ending love for us
And boasting of our initiative to emulate Him in any and every possible way
And yet, we become hypocrites as soon as a speck of dust falls upon a clear glass window
As though a threat to an alleged foundation built through many years
A wave of discouragement and hopelessness has come over me
The real threat in my journey towards the peak
But I continue to plod forward, anxious to get some rest and tranquility
Knowing that the rainbow is not only God's original covenant to Moses and to man
But a sign that anything is possible with Him in my heart
With His guidence and with His love, one day,
I'll be able to forgive those who have trespassed against me,
Set aside my pride and look upwards, towards heaven, and smile.
SERIES (Part 2): Discovering His Love
The sound of fists clanging against the iron bars of Hell's gates
Has ceased to be a deterrent along our way down the path of brood
The smoke has died away, becoming feeble vapors of cloud
No longer releasing a frighteningly powerful fragrance
Allowing us to breathe with more ease and relief
The weight of sin has been lifted off our shoulders
Only for the time it takes a drop of water to dry in the summer sun,
Enough to simply gain some more strength and take another step forward.
However, from here on out, the path is no longer narrow but steep
Obstacles of every proportion have been laid out to discourage and prevent
The ultimate goal from being sought out and eventually attained
We thought the pain would end once walking through those gates
And yet Satan beat us to the punch, watching a continuous battle commence
With God's guidance we maneuver ourselves around the explosives
Still getting caught in the line of fire, wounded and short of breath
We rip off the torn clothing that is simply an added weight
Knowing a new set will be waiting at the peak, one that will never fade or stain
And trudge on, learning to find our peace in Him though surrounded by a world of pain
It is simply the faith and knowledge of His love that carries us through it all
The love that wipes away all blood and dirt as thought it had only been an annoying
speck of dust
The love that will forever endure, persevere, believe and hope without failure.
Has ceased to be a deterrent along our way down the path of brood
The smoke has died away, becoming feeble vapors of cloud
No longer releasing a frighteningly powerful fragrance
Allowing us to breathe with more ease and relief
The weight of sin has been lifted off our shoulders
Only for the time it takes a drop of water to dry in the summer sun,
Enough to simply gain some more strength and take another step forward.
However, from here on out, the path is no longer narrow but steep
Obstacles of every proportion have been laid out to discourage and prevent
The ultimate goal from being sought out and eventually attained
We thought the pain would end once walking through those gates
And yet Satan beat us to the punch, watching a continuous battle commence
With God's guidance we maneuver ourselves around the explosives
Still getting caught in the line of fire, wounded and short of breath
We rip off the torn clothing that is simply an added weight
Knowing a new set will be waiting at the peak, one that will never fade or stain
And trudge on, learning to find our peace in Him though surrounded by a world of pain
It is simply the faith and knowledge of His love that carries us through it all
The love that wipes away all blood and dirt as thought it had only been an annoying
speck of dust
The love that will forever endure, persevere, believe and hope without failure.
SERIES (Part 1): The Way of Children
We walked out through the gates of hell, hand in hand
Steadily treading along a progressively narrow path
Ready to tackle any demon begging to drag us back
But the fires of hell were strong and tempting
Releasing an aroma of sweet pursuit...
The escape was not planned well, the execution faulty
For within minutes after our deep breaths of fresh pure air
Something tugged at the hem of our pant legs
We each looked down, only to find an image of the other
Carrying the face of loneliness and rejection upon it
Of course, the difficulty in simply walking away is immeasurable
But not impossible
A blink of an eye later, we were back in the flames
Happily watching the other play with fire
Blinded to the boiling scorch marks covering our bodies
Singing along to tunes, that on any other day, we'd despise
The smoke has started to affect our hearts and mind
Leading us off the path of righteousness into the thickets of pain
And ultimately, death
Miraculously, we each have a fan in our pockets, a cross on our wrists
and a conscience to tell us where to go from here
It is imperative to return to the forgotten way
The way of children and babes who have not yet lost their souls
And it starts with a simple step...
Away from each other.
Steadily treading along a progressively narrow path
Ready to tackle any demon begging to drag us back
But the fires of hell were strong and tempting
Releasing an aroma of sweet pursuit...
The escape was not planned well, the execution faulty
For within minutes after our deep breaths of fresh pure air
Something tugged at the hem of our pant legs
We each looked down, only to find an image of the other
Carrying the face of loneliness and rejection upon it
Of course, the difficulty in simply walking away is immeasurable
But not impossible
A blink of an eye later, we were back in the flames
Happily watching the other play with fire
Blinded to the boiling scorch marks covering our bodies
Singing along to tunes, that on any other day, we'd despise
The smoke has started to affect our hearts and mind
Leading us off the path of righteousness into the thickets of pain
And ultimately, death
Miraculously, we each have a fan in our pockets, a cross on our wrists
and a conscience to tell us where to go from here
It is imperative to return to the forgotten way
The way of children and babes who have not yet lost their souls
And it starts with a simple step...
Away from each other.
Circus Clowns
It bounces off every wall that surrounds my heart
scraping the surface with impressionable force
tearing pieces vulnerable and weak from repetitive sears
Mending doesn't come easily or simply
The manifestation of an inward emotion can kill a soul
this verbal abuse that has no place in one's expressions
Criticism and racism that roams our world still today
Fixing doesn't come with ease
They spit out these vulgar terms to oppress and depress
acting as though they know the history of that race
Crude language coughed up and thrown in faces
Revenge will be taken on those who cross that mark forever
There's no escaping the madness that never ends
Just join the circus to become a permanent clown
scraping the surface with impressionable force
tearing pieces vulnerable and weak from repetitive sears
Mending doesn't come easily or simply
The manifestation of an inward emotion can kill a soul
this verbal abuse that has no place in one's expressions
Criticism and racism that roams our world still today
Fixing doesn't come with ease
They spit out these vulgar terms to oppress and depress
acting as though they know the history of that race
Crude language coughed up and thrown in faces
Revenge will be taken on those who cross that mark forever
There's no escaping the madness that never ends
Just join the circus to become a permanent clown
1.17.2009
Key
The key to life, a resonating sound of excellence
Innocence in it's purest form
gently striking the harp's string
the piano's white key...
Hit the black one, a different noise
sounds of darkness roam my mind
suddenly stirring the once calm wind
tornadoes, hurricanes
its all a blur.
The key to life, a beautiful aroma
sets me to sleep in mere seconds of exposure
Dreams of gardens and doves and angels
filling the world around me
Pick up a sunflower to find a bug
slowly picking away at the petals
look up, the clouds of come
the sun is melting away
and so am I...
The key to life, a blithering sound
an invisible lock in an unchanging door
open, welcoming...
we choose to ignore it
and find another way in...
Innocence in it's purest form
gently striking the harp's string
the piano's white key...
Hit the black one, a different noise
sounds of darkness roam my mind
suddenly stirring the once calm wind
tornadoes, hurricanes
its all a blur.
The key to life, a beautiful aroma
sets me to sleep in mere seconds of exposure
Dreams of gardens and doves and angels
filling the world around me
Pick up a sunflower to find a bug
slowly picking away at the petals
look up, the clouds of come
the sun is melting away
and so am I...
The key to life, a blithering sound
an invisible lock in an unchanging door
open, welcoming...
we choose to ignore it
and find another way in...
Love
something I found...
Love is not a place
To come and go as we please
It's a house we enter in
And then commit to never leave
Lock the door behind you
Throw away the key
We'll work it out together
Let it bring us to our knees
Love is a shelter in the raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
If we try to leave, may God send His angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight but it's something worth fighting for
To some, love is a word
That they can fall into
But when they're falling out
Keeping that word is hard to do
Love will come to save us
If we'll only call
He will ask nothing of us
But demand we give our all
I will fight for you
Would you fight for me?
It's worth fighting for
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)